The War on Baby Showers

With all the scary C-section and jelly-soaked vagina cakes out there, I think we've lost track of what a baby shower cake SHOULD be.

No, this isn't it.

C'mon, guys, what's wrong with a sweet, heartfelt sentiment?

Or a cutesy character?

(On the plus side, it's nice seeing chocolate curls used for something other than "down there hair." [shudder])

Ok, how about some baby accessories? You know, bottles and bows, pacifiers and... uh...

...pee sticks.

Of course pee sticks.

Guess that beats putting the real thing on there, though - which, oh yes, people keep doing:

Thanks for not jamming the business end into the icing, I guess.

::sigh::

Ok, fine. Go back to your belly and butt and vajayjay cakes, people. BUT KNOW THIS: someday you, too, could be told, "There's cake in the break room!" like poor Lynds here, only to find that THIS is what someone actually brought in to work:

Clean up on aisle 3. Bring lots of brain bleach.

Thanks to Amanda S., Anony S., Rebekah D., Colleen F., Beka K., Corey, Nellie C., & Lynds for ensuring I will never eat a chocolate-sprinkled raspberry donut ever again.

*****

P.S., See, now HERE'S a cute idea for a baby shower: a Taco Tuesday accessory set:

That's an avocado rattle, ermergosh.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Litter-Al Hilarity

When you aim for a platitude, but end up at every cat-owner's reality:

AIN'T IT THE TRUTH.

Then there's this gem:

I have nothing to add; that just cracked me up.

(WHAT.)

Let's see if you can guess this party's theme:

(Oh how I wish those Ts were Ps...)

Did you get it?

Of course you didn't. Because it's supposed to be macaroni. You know, the pasta kids use to make jewelry? Also the thing you should never ask a baker to draw free-hand on your birthday cake?

Now let's learn a little Cake Decorating Terminology.

This technique is called "Brush Embroidery":

That's when a baker pipes a design, then uses a damp brush to feather in the edges.

It's also what Kirstina wanted on her cake - same design, different colors.

Now this technique is called "Whole-Assing It":

That's when a baker decides that instead of half-assing two things, s/he can just whole-ass one. Which you've gotta respect. Or very much not.

Thanks to Melissa N., Rebecca C., Ryan K., Kristina H., & Ron Swanson for inspiring whole-assers everywhere.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: