Hey, This Cake Tastes Like Cardboard!

We've all been there: you order something special, wait weeks for it to arrive, and then discover the hard way that you're allergic to latex. Dang it.

My point is, we've all faced disappointment. And itchiness. But mostly disappointment.

Case in point: Eagle-eyed wreckporter Leigh attended a graduation party last month where the cake turned out to be, well...a little dry. 

First the hostess commented how hard the cake was, as she couldn't get a balloon pick to stick into the cake

Then they tried to cut it.

Emphasis on tried:

Hey. Waaaaait a second. Is that...?

   

IT IS! 

It's a frosted cardboard box!

This would be a brilliant prank, of course, if it hadn't come straight out of the refrigerated display at their local big-chain store bakery (you can see the price tag in the first photo). OOPSIE. I guess now we know where all those display cakes end up!

A big thank you to Leigh W. for forever redefining "box mix." You know, between this and that time Amy found a pair of scissors in her birthday cake, I'm starting to see why some folks prefer homemade.

6 Cakes Creepier Than The Giant Olympics Baby

Friday night my Twitter feed suddenly erupted with chatter about the "creepy Cake Wrecks baby" featured on the Olympics' opening ceremonies. Naturally this piqued my interest, but by the time I found the channel I'd missed it. (I watched the rest anyway. Even the parade of nations - although I *might* have fallen asleep between letters D and M.)

Later some readers were kind enough to send me screen shots, though, and WOW. You guys weren't kidding!

Creeeepy.

 

Has the giant baby been lobotomized? 

And shouldn't his/her feet be a little better acquainted with the rest of the body?

I mention all this because I feel that trauma is something that should be shared. That way, we can all begin the healing process together.

After all, it could have been worse; the baby *could* have been face down:

Or had its eyes open, fixing us with a cold, dead stare:

(I honestly can't decide which is worse. Yeesh.)

Or what if it didn't have any arms or legs? 

[checking pictures] Oh. Er...

Well, what if it didn't have any arms or legs, AND it was dressed as a lady bug?

We'll call it a draw.

Ok, supposing they wheeled out a giant two-story grill, and stuck the giant baby on top of that.

Then suppose they'd had some interpretive dancers dressed as beer bottles, and those disturbingly oversized feet were motorized to kick every time the baby hiccupped.

Yeah, the Olympics one is seeming down right cute by now, isn't it?

But wait, there's more!

What if the baby had been a creepy muppet with questionable taste in animal prints?

(Waldorf? Is that you?)

Or what if, instead of disembodied feet, there'd been tiny disembodied hands?

"The better to creep up Thing-style and pinch you with, my dears."

Or, OR - what if, instead of the giant creepy lobotomized baby, they'd had a small chemically-burned one rising slowly out of a fine porcelain teacup filled with radioactive sludge?

Let's just hope it gets super powers out of this. 

I'm voting for invisibility.

And finally, for the ultimate in perspective, consider this: 

NO ONE HAD TO EAT THE OLYMPICS BABY.

But people did eat these. [click at your own risk]

Thanks to wreckporters Erin R., Anony M., Christine C., Crystal B., Sarah C., Michelle F., & Dawn M. for the disturbing slice of perspective.