Painfully Honest Cakes

Remember, kids, if you can't say anything nice...

...say it with cake.

Today is National Honesty Day, but before you go dropping those truth bombs, let's take a look at some ways you can be completely honest but still somewhat polite:

And my personal favorite:

Only works with Angelas, though.

I just realized if you read those three together, you get a short poem:

"You are tolerable.
You are slightly above average.
You are Angela."

I like it.

If you can be a little more effusive, there's also this option for a completely honest compliment:

"And hey, I mean that."

But let's be honest: 99% of the people you know are total jerkfaces, and the only reason we say nice things on their cakes is because it's their birthday and we want cake.

So here's a compromise: start with "happy birthday," and then throw in a little truth:

Boom.

See, the exclamation mark makes it chipper!

The misspelling will confuse everyone long enough for us to make a run for it.

If you'd rather avoid all that conflict, though, then how about a general statement that everyone can agree on?

TRUTH.

Thanks to Nichelle O., Gina G., Kristin S., Kitzy C., Joan A., Sarah C., Liz M., Doug K., & Michele D. for spouting off.

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5 Times It Didn't Pay To Be Polite

Some people think common courtesy is dead. To these people I say, "Hey, do you mind? I CAN'T HEAR THIS PHONE CONVERSATION OVER THE MOVIE WHILE YOU'RE SHUSHING ME."

(Yes, I'm joking.)

(I have exceptionally good hearing.)

And bakers, it seems, are especially bewildered by a simple "please" or "thank you:"

Aww, it's almost sad; the baker missed her own thanking!

I say "almost" sad because after you realize how often this happens...

It gets kinda funny.

Text reads: "Happy Birthday Melissa! Thank you much."

This "thank you" threw the baker SO badly she tried to cope with random question marks:

Happy Birthday Barbara!?
?Thanks!

You can almost picture her writing this, sobbing, "What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAN???"

And if you use BOTH "please" and "thank you" there's a real chance you could do permanent damage to your baker. So please, be responsible. Don't let this happen:

Then again, that's no excuse to be rude, either.

And trust me, it doesn't help anyway:

Thanks to Nicole P., Stephanie R., Melissa S., Nathan B., Lindsay W., & J.R. for being so easy to please.

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