Save The Cakes

Did you know that, every day, thousands of cakes go unpurchased?

It's true. These shunned desserts sit lonely and unloved on bakery shelves...

...only to eventually be shipped off to the day-old bread outlet.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

For a reduced price, you can help these poor, unwanted cakes find a place where they will be loved, cherished,

...and eaten.

That place being your belly.

Yes, your contribution can help provide loving tummies for rejected wrecks!

And just think: for the price of a candy bar, you can help turn these stale, unwanted, frosting-slathered sugar bombs...

...into a continuous sugar-high for someone else's hyperactive children.

And really, isn't that what we all want?

So please, visit your local bakery today, and save the cakes. For our future. For our children. And, for the love of Betty Crocker, tell them to stop making cupcake cakes while you're there.

I really can't take this kind of thing much longer.

Thank you.

Thanks to our "generous" "sponsors" Carly R., Garrett B., Jill B., Cheryl, Sabra L., Rasha H., and Dan & Christine M.

Flagging Enthusiasm

For reasons so obvious I won't even bother trying to explain them, Memorial Day has come to be synonymous with one thing and one thing only.

(Wait. There's also the furniture sales.)

Ok, two things and two things only.

Furniture sales, and this:

Just to clarify, I'm talking about grilling, not fecally suggestive icing puddles.

Yep, all over the country people are celebrating our military heroes by consuming good old-fashioned American hamburgers...

Flattened and with mayo on top, the way our founding fathers intended.

Hot dogs...

You can tell it's a hot dog because it clearly says, "Hat Dog."

...and, of course, whatever these are:

I'm going with "flaming Doritos."

Of course, bakeries know there's more to this holiday than food that looks like the other food you'll be eating today. That's why they also offer more "patriotic" designs; to stress the importance of remembering and honoring the sacrifices of our military.

It's just about dignity. You know?

Or how about a duck? A duck is totally patriotic:

Especially when you write "USA" on the flag so people know what country they're in.

Well, however you choose to celebrate it, may you have a wonderful Memorial Day. And remember: always show pride in your country by letting your freak flag fly.

Unless you'd rather eat it, of course.

Whichever you choose, just get rid of it. [shudder]

Thanks to wreckporters Chris W., Olivia I., Ashley P., Ashleigh G., Sarah B., Jessi J., & Heather M. for the grilling.

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