Party Like It's 1999

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze. Since it's somewhat difficult to find cakes celebrating diets (which is really a shame; I'm holding out for the "all cakey carbs" diet) let me see what kind of alcohol-themed stuff I can dig up for you.

Ok, here's a dreaded CCC (cupcake cake) for the martini lover: definitely shaken, not stirred.

Uh, this looks more like a bottle of hair tonic than alcohol. (Not that I've ever *seen* a bottle of hair tonic, of course; I just imagine it would look like this.) Sorry, I'll keep looking.

Hm. Well, John and I are still debating just what the heck this is, but I think it might be an exploding champagne bottle. (John sees one of those holiday crackers that you pull open.) The one thing we both agree on is that it's butt-ugly. [evil grin]

Moving on...

Very, uh, "creative". Can you picture the conversation that led to this cake order?

"We need a cake for Bob."
"Ok, what does he like?"
"Beer."

I have a friend who used to drink orange juice with his chocolate cake, but I'm pretty sure even he would agree that drinking beer with cake is just wrong. Blech.

And while we're on the subject, let me wrap up with a little PSA: folks, tonight when you're out partying, please think of others. Please, don't drink and decorate. Don't let this happen to you or someone you love:

[shaking head sadly] Granted, it was considerate of the wreckerator to provide little bottles of "blur vision"for those unfortunate souls who will have to EAT the cake, but that hardly excuses the drunken airbrush weaving, the gold and purple shoelaces, or the [closing eyes] margarita candles. Not to mention the mystery foam, construction-paper lettering, or bizarre green-striped chocolate "ladies". Yikes. So remember: this New Year don't get mad, get C.L.A.D.D. (Cake Lovers Against Drunk Decorating).

By the by, I verified that this was indeed listed on a "professional" bakery's website. A website which, oddly enough, is no longer operational. Go fig.

Hey Jason T., Lynn B., Corianna L.,Kati B., and Marnie P.: if you didn't come to party, don't bother knockin' on my door.

Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

[opening fridge] "Hey Sarah, you got any bee...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!!"

For those of you who would otherwise insist on knowing the whys and wherefores of this photo, here's what submitter Sarah M. had to say for herself (yes, she's the baker):

Subject: I swear I do get paid for making cakes

"The attached however was for a friend's surprise birthday party at a Chinese restaurant and since the birthday girl was born in the year of the rat, well I thought a giant rat cake would be appropriate."

Good thinking. Rats as a whole get far too little face time in the world of cakes.

"However my air conditioning failed halfway through the process and the butter cream icing began to destabilize and well all I could save was the head with the light up eyes."

Yep, see that tin foil "tail"? It's electric!

"The recipient of the cake claimed to my face it was the best d**n thing she had ever received.

- Sarah (I have more talent than this) M."

Sarah, I think I speak for everyone here when I say: you really need to buy better beer. Is that Miller Lite I spy in the door? Tsk, tsk. Oh, and also: we should all be so lucky to have friends make us electrified rodent heads for our birthday celebrations. Right, guys?