Resolution Delusions

2022 is winding down, my friends, so it's time to start brainstorming all the resolutions we're going to commit to, post proudly on Facebook, and then quietly renege on by Valentines'. To not do so would be positively UNAMERICAN, so let's get started!

Just remember: The ol' "better diet and more exercise" routine is BO-RING. Nobody cares if you ever fit into your college jeans again, mkay? So why not give us something with a little more zip? A little more pizazz? A little more "yahoo and how?"

You know, like: 

- Better bowel habits.

Or drinking less booze. Really, this cake works for both.

- Become a vegetarian

That's always a hip, happening kind of choice - unlike using the words "hip" and/or "happening." And if you need a little incentive:

Thaaaat oughta do it.

 (The baker sent this to me herself, btw, so don't think I'm being mean by leaving that watermark on. And yes, it's SUPPOSED to be bloody fried chicken. So speaking as someone who really likes fried chicken, I'd like to wish a pox on the house of Jen's Just Desserts - while fully realizing the overwhelming irony of the name.)

For a more intellectual New Year's goal, how about:

- Go to college

Clown college totally counts. Plus it's perfect for anyone who hates children*!

Here's one we can all aspire to: 

- Be more supportive of friends and loved ones:

'Nuff said.

Or, finally, in 2023:

- Don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

 After all, there's no shame in admitting when you're wrong.

There are, however, certain website audiences which will get a real kick out of it.

Thanks to Anony M., Jen R., Diana, Michelle B., & Sarah G. for the suggestions. Personally, I think I'm going with "play more video games" and "leave the house more." You, uh, don't suppose those two will interfere with each other, do you? o.0

*I say this as a former clown who does, in fact, have a strong dislike of children. (Hey, don't judge 'til you've seen a roving pack of unsupervised children descend upon a single clown bearing a bag of candy, ok? They're animals. ANIMALS, I tell you!)

BREASTS OF FURY

I don't know about you, but when *I* get an e-mail with "BREASTS OF FURY" in the subject line, I tend to read that one first.

Happily, this particular submission didn't disappoint:

They DO seem kinda angry...

Sadly Melanie T. didn't include an explanation for her cake, so we're left to devise our own theories - and in book title format, of course.

Here, I'll get us started:

1) When Fembots Attack

2) Put Out Your Heart Light, and Turn On Your Head Lights

3) Shelly the Turtle/Airplane Hybrid and the Exploding, Somewhat Leaky BAZOOMS OF DOOM!! (Now With Balloons!)

K, the floor is now open. YOUR TURN.

***************

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Melanie tells she went back to the same store this week and saw *another* cake, same drawing and everything, in the case. So she broke down and asked the baker what the heck it's supposed to be. You'll never guess. Are you ready? Like, really REALLY ready?

It's a walrus. Allegedly.

Please, scroll on up there and see if YOU can figure it out. 'Cuz I'm still stuck doing this:

Also, I need more Bill Murray gifs in my life - although he'll always be Peter Venkman to me. ;)