Colorful Metaphors

Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.

Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.

How do these colors make you feel?

[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?

I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.

These next ones should inspire feelings of peace and tranquility. Take a look:

 On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?

Excellent.

Does this next example generate the same kind of elation you normally experience while cleaning your ears with an extra long Q-tip?

Why, or why not?

And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?

Fascinating.

Now, I want you to stare at this next one while imagining your least favorite food:

Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.

And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?

Innnteresting.

Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!

As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.

Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.

(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)

Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

*****

P.S. I went looking for "colorful therapy" things and ended up down an "LED mask" rabbit-hole. Any of you use one of these?

LED Skin Care Mask

The ad photos are clearly photoshopped, but some of the customer before-and-afters in the reviews are impressive, at least for acne and acne scarring. Mostly the photos are a creepy slideshow of glowing faces, though, which is kinda fun on its own. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Hoppy EDSTER!

Whether you're on Spring Break this weekend, or finally getting together with family, or working (boo!), or just staying home playing BioShock again (HOLLA!), allow me to wish you a VERY:

Wait, no. I mean a:

No ...

Somehow that illustration really isn't helping.

Gah. If only we could use spell check on cakes, am I right? Then we'd NEVER have these ... uh ...

Never mind.

Sure, that's a store display, but at least it didn't get printed in the store flier, right?

*headdesk*

I also want to give an extra special shout-out to the men and women in the armed forces away from home right now, and possibly celebrating with cakes like this:

Apparently the baker thought the Playboy Bunny wasn't working, so s/he added a Splicer from BioShock. I LIKE THIS BAKER.

Ooh, and this one comes from a boat captain, who tells me the boat's catering staff made it for the crew. And get this: his first name is Brody. CAPTAIN BRODY. I'm SURE he NEVER gets people making Jaws jokes, either, so ...

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN: We're gonna need a bigger yolk.

(How badly do you wish that said, "Happy Yester Day?")

And finally, since we're veering off the "professionally made" path anyway, and because my entire family decided to go on the Paleo diet this month, here's a "bunny cake" for all you low-carb folks:

That rabbit is such a ham.

Thanks to Cheri F., Kelley N., Malisa I., Amanda S., Francesca A., Chloe H., Capt. Brody H., & Lisa and John K., who should feel free to leave all those terrible, carb-riddled cakes with me. Because I care.

*****

P.S. Here's something fun from one of John's favorite YouTubers:

Binging With Babish: 100 Recipes Recreated From Your Favorite Movies and TV Shows

From Seinfeld to Forrest Gump, there are recipes in here from all sorts of pop culture classics. And if you haven't seen any of Rea's vidoes before, definitely go browse his channel! They're wonderful even for non-cooks like me. :)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: