You Talkin' To Me?

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)

Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.

Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"

I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.

When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:

And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.

According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?

Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.

* Which I just made up.

Wreck Reaction

Guys, I think the Wreckerators are on to us.

Yep, while we've been focusing on all the actual *cake* wrecks, bakers have been industriously wrecking just about every other item in the bakery, and then some.

How else can you explain "The Brownie Ball?"

It's a giant ball of icing with brownies stuck in it.

I kid thee not.

Now, do I want to eat this?
Of course I do.
Does that make it excusable?
No, it does not.

Hey, just because *I* don't have any self-respect doesn't mean bakers shouldn't.

Or, if you prefer your giant ball of icing rolled in sprinkles and served on a cookie platter:

Perfect for the children of someone you hate.

It's not all sugar and sprinkles, though. Hoooo no. See, unfortunately, the deli guys decided to get in on the "decorating" action, too.

BEHOLD!

Billy Bear Bologna:

And you thought nothing could make chicken mcnuggets look healthy.

The world's cheesiest gingerbread man:

"Oh noooo!"

Yes, that's really a cheese "ball." Decorated with icing.
Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!

And finally, for that perfect Beetlejuice-inspired treat...

Pineapple upside down shrimp "cake:"

SWEET MERCY I THINK ONE JUST MOVED.

Hey Amanda, Erin M., Zoe R., Nicole B., & Brittany B., daylight come and me wan' go home.

[Update: the final "cake" has sparked a lively debate in the comments, so perhaps this video instructional on making a "Smörgåscake" (submitted by Marcus B.) will help.

Just kidding; it won't. But if you want to see a guy yelling instructions in "Swenglish" and violently throwing ingredients around, then it's pretty funny.]