BEAR VAGINAS FOR EVERYBODY!

Everyone's going nuts this week about the baby shower cake with bear vaginas on it.

Not bare vaginas, mind you; BEAR vaginas:

See?

ENHANCE!

The bakery claims those are NOT vaginas, of course; they're "seams."

Crotch seams.

On teddies.

For a christening.

[ ... ]

[side eye]

Hey, don't look at me. My lips are sealed.

But I have no doubt the truth will soon be laid bear bare.

In addition to making an otherwise great cake, the bakery also gave the irate mom some flowers to cover the bear-y baby cannons*, so when push comes to shove, I say we cut them some slack. Sure, it might rub you the wrong way, but remember: sometimes this kind of reproduction can really hit the spot.

[*"Baby cannons" is my new favorite euphemism. THANKS, INTERNET.]

A standing ovulation for all of you who sent in this article. Thanks for all the hooing and hawing!

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Get Used to Disappointment

It's time once again to take all your lofty dreams of realized cake-ordering expectations... and douse them with the bitter dregs of cold, hard reality.

Oh, yeah. It's gonna be THAT good.

What they ordered:

What they got:

And here I thought all carrots grew under the ground.

Ordered:

Got:

A tip of the hat for an exceptionally crumby job.

Ordered:

Got:

Finally. A baby cake I wouldn't mind cutting.

Happy day at the pool:

Nightmare at La Brea Tar Pits:

Anyone else having flashbacks of Tasha Yar's death scene?

Thanks to Megan G., Candace R., Alisha T., Catie S., & Suzanne S., who all "exceed expectations." Mostly because my expectations are really, really low.

*****

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