One Line Horror Stories

I haven't kept up: Do people still do that thing on Twitter where they write horror stories in only 144 characters? Or did the politics get so scary that no one could tell the difference? (HEYOO.)

Anyway, I always liked the idea of fitting as much story into as few words as possible, so let's see if BAKERS can scare us in, say, 10 words or less. Eh?

BEGIN.

"You know, most of that is technically edible."

(It's the ones that are true that are the most terrifying.)

"What misspellings?"

"Everyone can relax, I fixed it!"

"That'll be $65.99."

And perhaps the most frightening thing of all to hear from a baker:

"Hey, can I borrow your shoe?"

(Yes it's a real shoe. Because of course it is.)

Thanks to Michelle L., Susan G., Alyssa M., & Anony M. for putting her friend's best foot forward.

*****

P.S. In case that wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

A Failure To Communicate, Vol. 243

I like how the only thing legible is the one word NOT supposed to be there:

Erin K. wanted her daughter's cake to be oriented vertically, or portrait-style, but the baker wasn't getting it.

"You know, the long way?"

*headdesk*

When you want a big 75, NOT a "big 75."

Can I quote you on that?

In fact, a lot of butchered instructions end up as new nick names:

Give up?

They wanted "thank you" written in pink.

And this one didn't want any gel icing:

Here's a blast from the past: a Historical Society hosted a "President's Tea."

Thank goodness they weren't screening old 80s TV shows there, too!

Can you imagine if it'd been the "President's Tea & A-Team Party?"

Now imagine, if you will, the ordering process that resulted in this cake:

I'm picturing a Monty Python sketch, myself.

"No, I want you to STAY HERE, and write the names underneath!"

"So I'm to write these names twice and capitalize 'Underneath.' Got it."

"No, no, it's quite simple. Write 'Happy Birthday' once, and the names underneath."

"If, if, uh... If, if, uh... Oh! Can I write the names three times... IF I use extra sprinkles?"

"AAAAAAUUGH!"

Thanks to Terry M., Erin K., Dan E., Stephanie D., Melanie K., Karen A., & Damon E. - AND NO SINGING!

*****

P.S. Speaking of things that make your head hurt, a friend recently got me this gel cap for my migraines, and sweet icy Stay Puft, y'all, it's amazing:

Migraine Hot/Cold Gel Cap

I have a huge head and a lot of hair, so it's pretty snug on me, but the extra pressure with the cold is heavenly during a migraine. I used to hold a cold pack and keep shifting it around from side to side, but this wraps my entire skull in a cooling hug. Ahhhh so good.

I keep the gel cap sealed in the fridge all the time now, so I can grab it as soon as a headache starts up. The cold only lasts 15-20 minutes, but it's 1000% worth it in my book, highly recommend.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: