LET'S RUIN SOME BIRTHDAYS

BIRTHDAYS, am I right? They're just so... predictable. Every year like clockwork, the same old parties, the same cracks about getting old, the same legal notices advising you the restraining orders issued by your favorite boy band are still in effect...

Bah.

So I say, if you can't beat 'em, make them worse for everyone else.

Like this!

Does it help or hurt that her name is Penny? Asking for a friend. Whose name is Penny.

You know how people love it when you call attention to their seasonal allergies?

Boo to the Ya.

("See, it's funny, because your health is poor and that constant sniffing annoys the rest of us! Did you get that? Oh, you did? Cool. Just wanted to make sure. )

I'll be honest, I don't think Willow needed to know this:

SO I APPROVE.

Now Willow, you can retaliate with THIS:

Bonus: this could be botched "cheapskate" OR it could be calling Kate cheap. Either way, I think we ALL come out winners here.

And finally, for those times when the words "You're a horse's a$$, Dad" just aren't enough:

There's this.

Or is that a donkey butt?

WAIT... no. Could it be? Is that...

Is that an ass's a$$?

YESSSSS. So is it like when you say someone is a "real man's man"? Meaning Dad here is a "real ass's a$$?"

I'm tearing up. It's so beautiful.

Thanks to Brandi D., Maryann S., Anony M., Jeannette M., & Anony T. who think I'm ridiculous for censoring one a$$ but not the other. Yes, yes I am. Now, bottom's up!

*****

P.S. In case your life was missing a set of cat butt magnets, I found you some:

Cat Butt Magnets

You're welcome.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

With Apologies To All The Anns Out There

Bakers, I know today's topic is a toughie. Heck, after gathering all of these photos even *I* can't remember how to spell it. But that's why I'm here. To "help." And because going anywhere else requires pants.

Right. Here we go. Metaphorically, I mean. Just wipe that "pants" imagery from your mind. Also my use of the word "wipe" just now - that was an unfortunate stream of consciousness thing. Don't say "stream." Crap. Um... look, my number 1 priority here is that you know I DON'T PEE MY PANTS.

Phew! Glad I nipped that in the butt before it got weird.

Bud. I MEANT "BUD."

Great. Now how do I segue this back to anniversary cakes?

7 Handy Steps To Writing "Anniversary"

Eh, that works.

1. First and foremost, make sure you're spelling the right word.

This is not the right word.

2. Watch out for abbreviations.
Believe me, nobody likes sharing their anniversary with a third party.

Especially this "Ann" character, who really gets around.

3. Next, WE SPELL.

But not like this.

If you're feeling less than confident, here's a hint: the correct spelling has MORE than 7 letters:

...but less than 13:

And this is right out:

4. NO CHEATING.

Cheater.

Besides, cheating can lead to this situation:

Er, I meant the cake, but if you think about it, I suppose cheating *could* lead to 60 weddings. You know, if you're really committed... to the opposite of that.

I blame Ann.

5. If you are going to leave the word off, at least get the numbereth righteth:

1th, 2th, 3th times a lady...

6. And if you have the penmanship of a serial killer, maaaaybe rethink this particular career path:

Or at least stick to Halloween cakes.

And Boss's Day. Boss's Day works, too.

7. When all else fails...

Go with Batman.

Thanks to Dina M., Keith M., Robbie R., Anony M., Tori R., Nathan R., Vera L., Jennifer K., Sarah R., Corinna K., Z.C., & Adam M. for the reminder that your anniversary cake should always be itself, unless it can be Batman. Then it should be Batman.

*****

P.S. Here's one of the coolest gift ideas I've seen for a Batman fan, also works great for anniversities, aniverys, and bat mitzvahs. (See what I did there?))

Leather Bat Key Fob Case
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: