Barbie Hurl

Here are a few tips for making the "perfect" doll cake.

- This is totally acceptable for a Groom's Cake:

No, really. She's got panties on, so it's cool.

- When making a doll dress cake, go for icing colors every little girl loves:

Specifically, the colors of despair and gnawing ennui.

- If your doll needs a bodice, be sure to pipe something fashionable and delicate:

- And while you're at it, try to make the cake part look more like a skirt, and less like an alien egg devouring the prom queen in a B-rated horror movie.

"Oh, Trevor, why did we go skinny-dipping in that cemetery at midnight? WHYYYYY??"

- If dress cakes are too intimidating, remember there's always this option:

Just keep it classy, minions.

(Good grief, it's like that bottle of tequila has never seen a Barbie upchuck before. I mean, hello, personal space, Jose!)

Hey, remember that traumatizing tunnel scene in the original Willy Wonka?
Pretty sure this is the cake version:

There's no earthly way of knowing
How much flotsam they were throwing
There's no knowing where we're going
Or any sign the wrecks are slowing!

Oh wait, that's not really a tip, is it? Hmm. Ah, ok, I've got one:

- Don't do this.

I should warn you: this next tip features a Barbie cake that is not professionally made. I repeat, NOT professionally made. But as a public service, I feel I have to share it anyway.

- Never ask your drunk roommate to make you a Barbie cake:

"Let's light this candle, b**ches!!"

(It made me laugh. WHAT.)

But to go out on a professional note:

- Nobody puts Barbie in a corner.

She'll just sit there. Waiting. And watching.

Right, that's it for me! Y'all sleep well tonight.

Thanks to Erica D., Stephanie H., Bridget B., Kristie S., Lori, Luise D., Criss N., & Sarah W. for both the wide-eyed nightmare fuel and ALL the sprinkles. ALL OF THEM.

*****

P.S. Today's product had me at "Hardcore Toilet For Wrestling Action Figures"

Hardcore Toilet For Wrestling Action Figures

So how do you wrestle an action figure with a toilet? No idea. But going by all the customer review photos, this is Barbie's #1 choice to barf sprinkles into.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Pink Trim Was a Nice Touch

Heidi wanted a pizza cake, and so asked her local bakery to make one. The encounter went something like this:

Heidi: "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza cake, please."

Baker: "A pizza... cake?"

Heidi: "Yes, you know, a cake that looks like a pizza."

Baker: "I'm not following."

Heidi: "It's a round cake, decorated like a pizza... but with icing. Lots of places make them."

Baker: "Still not with you."

Heidi: "No, see, it's really simple: it's just a single layer cake, but with icing toppings and sauce and stuff to make it look like a pizza. A pizza cake."

Baker: "Huh. Well, I guess I can make that. But you better bring in a reference photo."

Heidi: "Of a pizza cake?"

Baker: "No, of just the pizza. So I know what kind you want it to look like."

Heidi: "Oh. Well, it can just be a plain cheese pizza, but... sure?"

THREE DAYS LATER:

[sigh]

And for those of you who like to peer down the road not traveled:

Maybe you dodged a bullet, there, Heidi. Thanks to Heidi L., Greg, Leah R., & Kris D. for proving wrecking baked goods is a pizza cake.

*****

P.S. You know what's way snugglier than a pizza cake wreck?

A pizza blanket.

Soft Flannel Double-Sided Pizza Blanket

You can also choose a tortilla version, to make all your human burrito dreams come true. (You know, to BE a burrito. Not to make someone else one. Please don't eat your roommates that will make this weird.)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: