Between A Wreck And A Hard Place

Gents, are you feeling a bit... droopy... lately?

Because whether you want to rock out with your turkey out:

Do a little dribbling:

Or just feel on fire again:

The answer is as plain as the "nose" on Elmo's face!

Even little Brandon here knows:
There's more than one way to win the race.

::WINK::

So forget those turtle necks, fellas:

...and get ready to CELEBRATE!

Don't wait; ask your baker today about Cake Wrecks!

You'll have a truly uplifting experience... GUARANTEED.

Thanks to Nicole F., Katy B., Jennifer V., Annette M., Angela B., Nathan M., & Malisa I. for helping me salute Viagra Day the penis way I know how.

*****

In completely unrelated news, I found a truly excellent shower curtain:

Cat Riding Whale Shower Curtain

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Penal Code Violations

NOTE: These cakes may have been meant for children, but the commentary is not. Double entendres ahead!

Do you ever get the feeling that certain bakers are up to some...er...monkey business?

I think this monkey lacks a certain...appeal.

I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems like some of today's wreckerators are getting downright...

...nutty.

(I had two different readers send in two different pictures of this cookie cake, btw. See?)

There's something kind of awesome about having a pair of photos of a pair of...um...pink blobby things.

(Swinging plums? Low riders? Crown jewels? Man tonsils? Pant Potatoes? Scroto Baggins? Ok, internet, you've earned your keep tonight.)

Oh, and I *think* they were going for a heart. Maybe. And before you ask, no, the baker should not be sacked, because this is far too entertaining.

I'm sure some of you may think I'm being unfair. Well, not to worry, wreckerators; you'll get your day in court.

Just no dribbling, please.

There's a certain bakery chain (which shall continue to Remain Nameless) that has a rather curious carrot cake design. It looks like this:

You guys have sent me a bunch of examples, so I can assure you: this really is how the cake comes:

So my question is this: if we all sat around discussing the failings of this particular design, would that make it a circle jerk?

[Bah-dum-BAH!]

And while I'm being inquisitive, bakers, I've got to ask: do your wrecks ALWAYS have to look like dongs?

o.0

Ok, never mind.
Please bring the ding dongs back.

Thanks to Carrie C., Beth M., Rachael, Becca S., Nick D., Michelle W., & Richard for taking a firm stance on today's wrecks. And for the excuse to write "pants potatoes."

*****

P.S. For some reason these seem appropriate today:

Wine Condoms

Don't worry; they're for your wine, not your wang. (Which really should be their advertising jingle. CALL ME, WINE CONDOM PEOPLE.)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: