It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.

What, you think I'm exaggerating?

THIS ALLIGATOR WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE.

That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys.

And then there's the snakes:

"Help meeeee!"

Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.

We've got poison toads:

"I want you to croak."

And snakes:

GAAAAAAkeepscrollingkeepscrollingkeepscrolling

And giant angry spiders:

Who team up with killer bees...

Did I mention the snakes?

BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF SNAKES.

Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:

They're very friendly. No sense of personal space.

Piranhas:

Seriously.

And panthers.

NO LION.

Because of course we have panthers. Why wouldn't we have panthers?! I mean, what would a swamp be without FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!

So.
To sum up, if you come to one of Florida's many beautiful national parks, you're gonna die. Probably. Best not to chance it. Just go to Disney and marvel at the animatronic deer and bunnies, which are super lifelike this time of year.

This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Parks & No Wreck: Sunday Sweets To TREAT YO'SELF

This week is National Park Week, so I decided to round up 10 Sweet nature cakes that would make Leslie Knope proud.

(By Intricate Icings Cake Design)

Preeeeettty.

Now, I'm a hermit blogger with what my doctor described as a "shocking" vitamin D deficiency, so I think it's safe to say I'm not the outdoorsy type. BUT! I hear there's actually a lot you can do in our national parks.

Things like:

Kayaking:

(By Mike's Amazing Cakes)

Hiking:

(By Sweet and Sassy)

Camping:

(By The Royal Bakery)

And fishing!

(By Tiffany's Baking Co.)

At least, I think you can fish in some parks, right? Either way, those sculpted waves over the fish are super cool. (Note all the broken hooks, 'cuz the fish won. Ha!)

There's also that classic park activity:

(By Little "Miss" OC's Kitchen)

Eating!

Or I guess the proper term is "picnicking."

For you park-lovers getting married, here's a delicate hand painted number:

(By Cake Central member Ratga)

I like how the tree tops extend over the tiers!

Or how about the pebbles-and-bark textures on this one?

(By Delicut Cakes)

Not to mention my favorite color flowers. Mmmm.

This sugar waterfall works perfectly with a topsy-turvy cake:

(By Rising Flours)

Also perfect? The white frothy bits near the bottom. So good.

I'm diggin' the silhouettes on this one:

(By Colorado Rose Cake Company)

Plus? It's fondant-free!

And finally, while it's not exactly a parks-celebrating cake, I couldn't pass up showing you guys this EPIC Ron Swanson lumberjack cake:

(By Artisan Cake Company.)

Even the axe is sugar! And it's filled with red flannel!

Now that's sweet.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.