Where There's A Will

It's Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

So, instead of making Much Ado About Wrecking, we're just going to let the Bard himself insult the cakes.

"They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces."
- Coriolanus

"Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood."
- King Lear

"I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster!"
- The Tempest

"Thy food is such
As hath been belch'd on by infected lungs."
- Pericles

"Thou lump of foul deformity!
Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes."
- Richard III

"I wonder that you will still be talking. Nobody marks you."
- Much Ado About Nothing

"A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow...

"...beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson...

"... glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave, one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch...

"... one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition."

- King Lear

Wow. Uh, thanks, Will. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks to Elisabeth T., Kimberly L., Alexandra D., Mallie R., Amy P., Rebecca C., Jennifer S., Libby W., Alison, and Talley. Fair befall you!

*****

Good news, minions, now you can insult ANYTHING like Shakespeare:

With the Shakespeare Insult Generator! This flip book has over 150,000 mix-and-match insults, perfect for teachers, literature lovers, and family reunions.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

NOBODY SAY "SPERM"

Sometimes bakers like to stretch themselves by making unusual object cakes. You know, stuff you don't usually see made into cake. Everyday things. Mundane things.

Stupid things.

Like this tiny broom.

And bikini bottoms:

JUST the bikini bottoms.

(Part of me wants to believe this is a Spongebob cake gone wrong.)

And this... tree?

Because when I think "festive party food," my first thought is, "I dunno, maybe a tree?"

Some conjoined pencils:

It's like those snap-and-share Popsicles, only ugly and harder to eat.

When I turn 44 I hope someone gets me a confusing baby shower cake:

Complete with lil' poo pile.

(It's a key. How do I know? YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.)
(Also Julie told me.)

And finally, there's this tall drink of water:

Which would be really boring if it weren't for the... captured tadpole.
(Yes, we're calling it a tadpole.)

Ahem.

Sooo, yeah. Way to stretch yourselves, bakers!

NOW STOP IT.

Thanks to Megan J., Heather F., K.B., Kathy B., Julie, & Leslie, who claims that "tadpole" rings a bell. [head tilt] Nope, I don't see it.

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P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: