Deep Thoughts

There's something about staring at wrecks for a while that makes me start thinking...

Deep Thoughts.
You know, stuff like:

Is it true cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

And why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Ever wonder what color Smurfs turn when they're choked?

Or if a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

And can a cow be lactose intolerant?

Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?

(Don't they have the guts?)

Do frogs have to wait an hour after eating before they get out of the water?

Because this guy already looks a little cramped.

When sign makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

(          ,         !)

And why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

While we're at it, how come "monosyllabic" isn't?

Oh, and what if there weren't any hypothetical questions?

Glup!

You know, the other thing staring at cake wrecks does is make me want to take a nap.
I'll do that while you think about this stuff, OK?

Profound thanks to Linn S., Marcos G., Kathryn P., Katie F., Christine C., Kristen P., Susan H., Catharine, and Aimee H. for seeing the deep philosophical meaning behind these wrecks, and to my Mom and Dad for sending me the e-mail that got me started down this path.

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Mangled

You know that song from Tangled that always makes you cry?

This isn't that song.

[Spotlight on a single, burly baker]

It's delicious, creamy, dairy
I use so much it's scary

And design-wise, my cakes are not the neatest.

But with lots of yummy gook
There are flaws you'll overlook!

That's why I always pile on the sweetness.

Can't you see me at the counter making those hearts?
Piping on the icing in thick streams

Though it may look kinda deadly
As it sits there, swirling redly.
My motto's always been "More Buttercream!"

[chorus line of baker emerge from the shadows]

More Buttercream!
More Buttercream!

See, it's really quite as viscous as it seems!

Don't know what to call this creature
But more frosting is a feature!

I'll always choose to use more buttercream.

[second baker steps to mic]

It's got scars and lumps and bruises
Plus something here that oozes:

But still, to me, it's burger cake perfection

And despite handwriting woes
Frosting piles + Oreos

Will be enough to sell this sweet confection.

Can't you see this at your wedding, little ladies?
All the frosting hides the fact it leans.

Yes, I'm preaching to the choir
When I say, "Pile it higher!"
I always tell the bride,
"More Buttercream!"

More Buttercream!
Lick that lid clean!

And I know some of you think this is extreme!

Though our cakes leave stomachs screaming
There's a child inside you beaming

'Cause secretly you want more buttercream.

Yes, secretly you want more buttercreeeeeeam!

Thanks to Shannon S., Layla C., McKenzie R., Sarah, Jennifer, Heather M., Monica M., Anony M., Charity, & Maggie L. for living the dream, Cake Wrecks style.

*****

If you just sang that entire post, then this tee is for you:

The Snuggly Duckling T-Shirt

I can't decide which color I like best; it also looks awesome on purple.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: