The Dog Days of "Bummer"

Today is National Dog Day! Quick! Make a cake effigy of your favorite pooch and slit its throat!

See, NOW it's a party.

(Also, I just realized "your favorite pooch" could have gone a very different direction. So you're welcome.)

As an unabashed cat person (CATS RULE, DOGS SNIFF YOUR CROTCH), I must admit to the occasional evil snicker over stuff like this:

::snicker::

Perhaps even a bit of a chortle:

Ahehheheheehe

Or the teensiest, tiniest, guffaw:

MWAHAHHAAAAAHAAAA!

And since I showed you that cat autopsy cake that one time, this seems only fair:

I'm guessing the customer specified NO NUTS.

[....]

Ahem.

So, in conclusion:

Happy Dog Day, e'erbody!

Thanks to Andrea W., Meredith H., Annabel J., April A., Emily Z., & Krysmon for the doggone treasures.

*****

In these days of social distancing I know a bunch of people who need this t-shirt:

"Tell Your Dog I Said Hi" Women's Tee

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

I Tell You What, OW

Over the weekend I slept on my neck wrong - I guess 42 years of practice just isn't enough - so to turn my head I had to move like Michael Keaton's Batman, lurching my whole torso around.

Me, stiffly staring 3 feet to the left of where John is standing: "Could you please move 3 feet to the right."

After 2 days of this, I went to stretch a little while talking to John... and threw out my upper back.

I swear this never happens to me.

I was supposed to be writing posts at the time, so John loaded me up on hot packs and smelly tingle creams* and pain meds, but no matter how I tried to sit I ended up looking like this:

"ow ow ow ow owowoowowowow"

[* "Smelly Tingle Creams" is the title of my Jake Peralta cover band]

[Also that joke has many layers to keep it family-friendly. You're welcome.]

Eventually all that stuff kicked in, though, and here I am, happy as a bruised hard-boiled egg being thrown in a puddle:

No wait, happy as a panicked Ernie from Sesame Street... being thrown in a puddle:

No wait, happy as a crab who's just realized life is a never-ending quagmire of moral ambiguity and socially dissociative experiences interspersed with physical pains... but at least we still have brownies.

... in a puddle.

Dang, this smelly tingle cream is good stuff.

Thanks to Anony M., Elizabeth A., Megan H., Kristy L., Beth S., & Caroline H. for letting me work out my crabbiness.

P.S. All jokes aside, I've never been this excited about buying a heating pad:

 Back Pain Heating Pad With 3 Settings

:D

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And from my other blog, Epbot: