Parental Payback

Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.

Plus your kids might be a pain, too.

Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.

Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.

Yep, there's something about seeing their favorite lovable character transformed into a homicidal psychopath that could slightly unhinge more impressionable minds.

"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."

Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?

"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!

"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on.

"Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"

Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...

Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!

Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:

I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.

Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)

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Silly Jokes For Kids: The Best Jokes, Riddles, Tongue Twisters, Knock-Knock jokes, and One liners for kids

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Free Throws

A while back one of our readers suggested a fun activity for the next book tour: set up plain frosted cakes, and let contestants hurl various bits of candy, flotsam, and ribbon at said cakes. Whichever looks "best" wins.

Unfortunately, I think some wreckerators out there took this as career advice.

And believe me: there are no winners here.

Wow. I didn't know you could get that kind of distance out of mini marshmallows.

You know what they always say about edible splatter paint!:

Nothing, actually. They're all too busy trying to avoid the pieces with the poo-colored jelly beans.

Here's one that made use of the drop method:

Most of it even landed on the cake!

Of course, when you're lobbing across such great distances, some breakage is to be expected:

Boops.

You can see that a lot of throwing went into this one:

(Psst. Throwing up counts, right?)

Hang on a sec, something's wrong.

This one's making me hungry:

Mmmm.

Curse you, Wreckerators, and your nefarious mind-washing piles of

whipped cream and berry goodness!

I mean, what next? Will a professional chef on a national reality show get in on the act??

[holding head] We're too late! AAHHHH!!

Thanks to Jill N., Ashlee M., Cassie G., Julie V., Kimberly B., & Elizabeth L., who all get to be first in line come book-tour-throwing time.

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P.S., Speaking of books, I just found one right up our wrecky alley:

A Wizard's Guide To Defensive Baking

I don't even need a synopsis. I'm sold.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: