Oh My Stars!

Remember when there was a dust-up over whether or not our astrology signs have changed? Betrayal, bewilderment, boredom...there was a veritable gamut of emotions running wild.

Fortunately, I have been assured that my not being a Taurus is total bull. Whew! However, just for fun, let's take a look at these "new" signs and how they might have changed our lives forever.

Or...not.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Capricorns are known to be obedient and dedicated. If you ask a Capricorn to do something, you can be sure it is going to get done...

...literally.

Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Aquarius is represented by water, which fits this sign's creative, "free flow" personality.

"That'll be $28.95, please."

Pisces: March 11- April 18
Pisces is an emotional yet generous sign. These selfless individuals will give until it hurts.

Or until they run out of room.

Aries: April 18 - May 13
Much like their symbol the ram, Aries are fearless creatures. They forge boldly ahead, letting no man, beast...

...or periwinkle border stand in their way.

Taurus: May 13- June 21
Taurus is a sign that never backs down. This stubborn bull will stand her ground through all of life's challenges.

"Look, the writing on the order form says 'Blinday.' END OF STORY."

Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Gemini is often of two minds, waiting to make a choice until the very last minute.

When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not.

Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Cancers are rooted in the past, home and hearth. You can trust a Cancer to feed you, mother you, clean you, feed you, love you...

...and feed you.

And then maybe eat you.

Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Leos are very ambitious - shooting for the stars, taking on large projects, and sometimes getting in over their heads.

Or King Tut's, as the case may be.

Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
You can always count on the reliable Virgo to deliver steady, consistent results.

This is more of a virtue if they know how to spell.

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Libra has a clear sense of right and wrong, and is always a fair and impartial judge. However, Libra also craves communication and loves an opportunity to prove her intelligence.

Yes, thank you, Libra.

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Sharp-shooter Scorpio has no problem telling it like it is. Scorpio is honest, direct, and lays everything out in black and white.

Scorpio is usually free most Saturday nights.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
Nothing can slow down a carefree Sagittarius. Her spontaneity and drive keep things fun and interesting:

...and also covered in SPRINKLES!!! Wheeee!

Wreckiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Wreckiuchus likes to hide in plain sight, often going years before revealing himself to those closest to him.

Some skeptics say Wreckiuchus doesn't actually exist, but if you cross your eyes and stare really hard, we think you'll get the message.

The message being that you look pretty silly with your eyes crossed, of course.

Thanks to Kailee M., Sarah C., Maggie B., Jinglei, Aaron, Jordan F., Niloufer R., Anony M., Heather & Mikki, Katie O., Elizabeth, Stina, & Valerie M., who should all look before they leap, take advantage of sudden windfalls, and explore new opportunities today. And then maybe buy their favorite bloggers a snack. (We like Bugles.)

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Those cakes are so bad I feel compelled to leave you with something pretty. So, BEHOLD:

Leafeal Zodiac Constellation Necklaces

OooOOoooh. Each one is made with the corresponding birthstone, click to see the rest.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Well Met, Helmet

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:

Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Why, just look at the terror in their eyes:

Or you could confuse them with the abstract method:

"And that little pile of poo is a fleur de lis!"

[other team's minds exploding]

You could also try a little more Sparta than Super Bowl:

Hey, a football field is 300 feet.

And remember, when all else fails, try the ultimate offensive play:

Peeping Tom Brady. [shudder]

Thanks to Tim M., Cassidy S., Hunter F., Molly M., Erica B., Dena G., Amy K., & Lisa K., who think someone really should tell Giselle.

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P.S. Ok, so no decent helmets... but can I interest you in a lawn gnome?

NCAA Small Garden Gnomes

There are 35 different teams to choose from, hit the link to see them all.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: