The "Danger" Is My Penis

Parental Note: In case the title didn't give it away, today's post is not appropriate for children. It's still safe for work, though.

Hallo, my succulent little cyber love bunnies. I... am Carlos Danger. And I have something to show you.

It's my wiener, doing a little dance. IF you know what I mean. [winkwink]

Oh, were you expecting something else? Something more... personal? Well, I'm sorry, my virtual vixens of viscosity, but I don't do that anymore.

That's right, I have changed my nasty, exhibitionist ways! Again! So, no more texted photos of Mr. Nozzle Nose - no sir! Now I will only be sending photos of pure, innocent, everyday smiley things.

Like these turtles:

Or these carrots:

Or the occasional attentive butterfly:

Or Thanksgiving turkey:

Or Christmas stocking:

Yes, instead of sharing my groinal glory with the world, I've come to appreciate travel:

And shooting hoops with the boys:

Fishing:

And even a little outdoor grilling:

Plus I've taken up baseball again:

 Have I mentioned I'm a big Star Wars fan?

I tell you all this, my comely constituents, because I want you all to know that, first and foremost, I am a patriot. A huge, upstanding, balls-to-the-wall, letting-it-all-hang-out, PATRIOT.

So, on behalf of both myself and my talented staff, allow me to end with this:

Oh, and if you could all just slip me your phone numbers on the way out, that'd be swell. Thx.

Thanks to Annette P., Courtney M., Jimmy L., Bijan P., Heather K., Alison L., C., Shelley C., Anony M., Peace, Trish, Gina S., & Jana C. for sharing phone pics we actually want to see. Mostly.

Stop And Smell The Clichés

 Normally I avoid clichés like the plague.

Still, when it comes to buying a cake, sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns.

(Just don't grab the other end.)

See, I'll bet you dollars to donuts:

... that some of you are going to get wrecks.

You may think you have all your ducks in a row:

(or maybe to be rowed...)

... but let's face it: There's a good chance the baker's ...

 

... a poo ant short of a picnic.

And s/he might get your cake ...

... bass ackwards.

I mean, does a bear ...

 ... sit in the woods?

(Aw, Pooh.)

;)

Look, you're probably never going to get the baker to eat crow:

So don't make a tempest in a teapot!

(Actually, don't make anything in this teapot.)

 

After all, you've still got a cake, and maybe the manager will mark it down.

So rather than look a gift horse in the, uh ...

... gaping mouth nozzle of despair?

... just enjoy your cake.

I think Shakespeare put it best:

"That which they call a rose by any other name...

"... still looks like meat."

Thanks to Scott D., Deanna C., Laura M., Wolfie W., Anna M., Autumn J., Reba S., Jesea J., Lana H., and Maria V.  for letting us have their cakes and read them, too.