Bring The Sponge; It's Getting Pretty Tacky In Here

Sure, we could spend time debating who's really to blame: the bakers, or the clients who ordered these wrecktastic designs.

Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.

Yep, that's the ticket.

Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:

And make sure your napkins coordinate.

There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:

Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?
(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)

Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"

Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."

To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.

Also, I never would have thought that muted gray-tone Lladro topper would go with an "exploding ticker tape parade in Rio" design...

...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.

Look, I love Renaissance Fairs, I really do. I even love that this couple got married at one. However, this?

This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.

Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake:

"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."

Speaking of which, what do you do if your elegantly designed wedding cake shows up thoroughly wonkified?

Three words:
Distract the eye.

I guarantee you no one noticed the tipping tiers.

Amy S., Callie B., Julie Anne, Pam P., Anony M., & Chella S., I just realized that most (if not all) of today's Wrecks are American. I'm so proud I could bust.

*****

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Jen GraduRants

It's getting about that time again. You know the one, don't you?

Thaaat's right! The one where Wreckerators wrestle with the seemingly simple "Congratulations."

For some reason, various unholy alliances of the words "graduation" and "congratulations" keep popping up:

"Gratulation"

"Gradulation"

"Congraduations"

(Your soul dies a little more with each one of these, doesn't it?)

"Whatever this says."

"Happy Graduations"?!?

Oh. Wait. Actually, that's almost correct. I wonder if someone forgot the "L."

There's a theory floating around that some of these word mash-ups are intentional; a "cute" misspelling to save the decorator from writing out the overly long and excessively complicated "congratulations graduate."

To this I say: [rude noise].

Good grief, people, you're celebrating an educational achievement! This is not the time for "cutesy" misspellings! So just write out "Congrats" and be done with it! That's not so hard, is it?!?

Excuse me. [sound of head hitting desk repeatedly] This may be a while.

In the meantime, enjoy your cake with the bottle of urine/beer on it.
(Either way, someone's getting pissed.) (Because in Britain "pissed" = "drunk." See? I'm even funny in different languages.*)

Shelby, Angie M., Briana G., D.H., Pam G., & Anony M., Gradu...Congalu...Gradcon...Uh. Good job!

*****

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