Subjective Reasoning

Sometimes the best part of checking the Cake Wrecks email is reading the subject lines you readers come up with.  After all, it's not every inbox that can boast lines like "Loose Stool or Sea Slug?" and "Two Words: Flaming Caterpillar."

Here are some more fantastic, actual examples of reader email titles from the archives. (No, seriously, I am not making these up.)

"Dogs with grad caps nailed to their skulls" - from Amy T.

(Admit it: you would open that one first, too.)

And she really nailed that description on the head, huh?

"Asphyxiation Barbie: SVU" - Sarah M.

"Looks like somebody..." 

[removing sunglasses]

"...took this doll's breath away."

 "I was looking for Monistat at the Walmart..." - Scott F.

"Yeast ring?" I donut think that means what you think it means...

"Princess Leia's Frhog" - Colleen K.

 "Help me, Oinkie One Kenobi; you're my only hop."

"Madagascar Nipples Cake" - Amy E.

[Insert "Tracts of land" joke here.]

"Peanut Mouth Cookie Ninja" - Amanda B.

(Does the head wound mean the ninja's already been here?)

And my personal favorite:  

"I don't know what it is, but it's angry and it has a guitar." - Petra R.

To be fair, it also has a pilgrim hat.

Thanks to all of today's wreckporters for continuing to keep our spam filters guessing.

A Total Dud

John and I spent all of last weekend working on the Halloween costumes we're going to wear to go trick-or-treating at Walt Disney World this Friday, because that's totally something thirty-something adults with no kids do.

Oh, I'm sorry; did I say "trick-or-treating? I meant "treak or treating."

 

It's a lot like trick-or-treating, only with more treaks.

We also bought a giant variety pack of Halloween candy to give out to the neighborhood kids next week, but John's already eaten everything except the little boxes of Milk Duds. We are literally going to be giving out Duds, you guys. We'll probably walk outside on November 1st to find our lawn littered with TP, Milk Dud boxes, and tiny molars.

I'm pretty sure caramel was invented by a lazy dentist who got tired of pulling teeth. Admit it: chewing caramel is like chewing a mouthful of Lilliputians armed with grappling hooks. (Really sweet Lilliputians, though. Some of which come with a chocolate coating. Mmm. Is this disturbing anyone else? No? Good.)

Hey, speaking of Lilliputians with grappling hooks... what the heck are these?

More importantly, does the idea of chewing gummi teeth squick anyone else out?

 And most importantly, isn't "squick" like the coolest made-up word ever?

This ghostly bowling ball has a boo boo. See if you can spot it.

 Now, I know what you're thinking, and I'm way ahead of you. So you just sit right there and relax, while Auntie Jen fetches just the thing you're looking for.

[sounds of construction]
[geese honking]
[slide rule]
[minor explosion]

 

 Er, you did want a pair of zombie muppet pumpkins, right?

 Dang, I'm good.

Hey, I just realized "Auntie Jen" sounds like "antigen" if you pronounce "aunt" the American, buggy way. Which is totally creppy.

It's kind of a cross between crappy and creepy.

Or maybe it's like a thin pancake. 

Either way, as the pirate mummy with a poor grasp of puns likes to say, 

"It's a wrap!"

Thanks to Heather S., Raevyn, Julie D., Brooke, Melios, Timothy C., & Lorinda R. for the spirited selections.