Creative Grammar

Less Than Punctilious

Continuing my mini series on the wonders of punctuation, let's take a look at what happens when grammar goofs go horribly, seriously funny.

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Drat. They're on to me.

 

Because no matter what your efforts, there will be times when you ask for a symbol and get a whole lotta trouble instead.

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When a simple slash turns into a case of indecent exposure.

 

For clarity's sake, you might want to mention when a word should be plural.

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Don't.

 

In fact, you should never spell anything out. Period.

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Especially the actual period. Period.

 

And you know what they say about bad commas, don't you?

That's right: they always come back to bite you.

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"Good night, good luck, must dash!"

- Edward R. Murrow with a full bladder

 

Thanks to Kristin D., Kristin S., Stephanie A., Doreen L., Kate A. for what I'm calling our "literal" period.

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P.S. Here's a giggle for my coffee-loving friends:

"My Four Moods" Dragon Tee

:D
It comes in both Men's & Women's cuts, plus a bunch more colors.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

"Perfectly" Punctual

Yesterday we covered parentheses and quotation marks. Today, THE WORLD.

Or maybe just some extra apostrophes:

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This Beth belongs to Congratutation.

The booties are anyone's guess.

 

 I see lots of apostrophes where quotation marks should be, but I have to admit, this is the first time I've seen it the other way around:

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I blame whatever madness drove the baker to add that L.

 

You might think periods would be easy to deal with, but if so, you're obviously a man with a death wish.

Or this baker:

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I don't really know who St. David is, but I'm hoping against hope he's the patron saint of punctuation.

 

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the three period run, or if you want to get all technical about it, the ellipsis:

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Because nothing conveys sincerity quite like trailing off mid...

 

 With all these confusing options, you might be tempted to skip punctuation entirely, bakers. But that path has its own perils:

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Yeah, way to go, Bob. I mean, that was soooo great, that thing you did. Scha.

 

 My personal favorite, though, is the wild card mish-mosh of punctuation patter:

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I dare you to do a dramatic reading of this cake.

 

 And finally, the colon cake you've been waiting for:

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Come back after we slice it for the semi-colons.

 

Thanks to Elizabeth C., Miriam A., Doreen L., Ariel F., Sarah C., Gernez, & Kim T. for the excuse to link to Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation.

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P.S. For those who take their coffee with extra snark:

"Silently Correcting Your Grammar" Coffee Mug
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And from my other blog, Epbot: