"Write!" Said Fred

It's handwriting analysis week, minions, so I'm here to demonstrate this fascinating science.
What does your baker's work say about them? Let's find out!

- Passive-aggressive

- Uses "jazz hands"

- Writes erotic Zombie fan-fic

- Cries during yogurt commercials

- twerks

- Collects spores, molds, and fungus

- Has to pee

- Pushes ALL the elevator floor buttons

- Gym grunter

- Conspiracy theorist

- Magician

Hope this helps you see those wrecks in a whole new light, minions! And remember: an upward slanting signature with extra long loopy bits means you have excellent taste in websites, so congrats on that.

Thanks to Kate M., Jill S., Johnny E., Sara G., Sarah S., Kelly D., David F., Jasmine K., Lacey C., Jenny H., & Shelly D., who are all too sexy for my party.

*****

P.S. Bad handwriting is about the best segue I'm going to find to talk about my favorite liquid eyeliner, so, BEHOLD:

Nano Liner

Listen, once you hit 40 you tend to want thinner eyeliners, in the hopes that at least SOME of your eyeshadow will still show under your drooping eye flaps. (Just me?) I transitioned from brush liners to felt tips years ago, and the Nano is my gold standard: crisp, thin lines, a flexible felt tip that makes wings vastly easier, and best of all, it costs less than $7, y'all. What whaaaaat. Trust me, buy two.

The REST of the Story

"Welcome to the K. Krex Evaluation Center! Please have a seat, and we'll begin the exam.

[consulting clipboard] "Ok, let's start by having you cover your left eye and spell out the top line here."

"Uhhh.... M. d. W. 2. K. 1. O?"

"Perfect. Now go ahead and read me the bottom word here."

"Oh man, that's tough. Um...matheridby?"

"Good, good. Now, please cover your right eye and spell out the letters on the bottom line here."

"N... O... T.. T.. P.. P.. L.. B.. S.. S.. S.. S.. L?"

[writing on clipboard] "Mmmhmm. Now, kindly read this for me:"

{squinting} "Uhhh.... Is that even English?"

"Excellent. Moving on, now I'm going to change the lenses over your eye. Tell me which is more in focus:

"Number one...

"...or number two?"

"Gosh, I don't know. They look about the same."

"I see. Ok, for our final test, let's have you put on these glasses and try reading these:"

"Happy....Bir....um... I have no idea what that says."

"And I'd rather not say that one out loud."

"Oh! That's the artist formerly known as Prince, right?"

"Well done. And congratulations - you're hired! Here are your apron and piping bags, and you can pick up your spools of ribbon and plastic flotsam in the morning. Now, go make us proud!

"And a bunch of cupcake cakes."

Thanks to Brandon D., Rosie, Melissa M., Becky, Rebecca M., Sara B., Judy R., Abby M., and Grace N. for the eye-openers.

*****

P.S. Do you wear glasses? Do you like flamingos? Like, a lot?

Pink Flamingo Eyeglass Holder

Because this is adorable.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: