Colorful Metaphors

Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.

Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.

How do these colors make you feel?

[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?

I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.

These next ones should inspire feelings of peace and tranquility. Take a look:

 On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?

Excellent.

Does this next example generate the same kind of elation you normally experience while cleaning your ears with an extra long Q-tip?

Why, or why not?

And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?

Fascinating.

Now, I want you to stare at this next one while imagining your least favorite food:

Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.

And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?

Innnteresting.

Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!

As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.

Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.

(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)

Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

*****

P.S. I went looking for "colorful therapy" things and ended up down an "LED mask" rabbit-hole. Any of you use one of these?

LED Skin Care Mask

The ad photos are clearly photoshopped, but some of the customer before-and-afters in the reviews are impressive, at least for acne and acne scarring. Mostly the photos are a creepy slideshow of glowing faces, though, which is kinda fun on its own. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

And Boobie, When You Call Me, You Can Call Me Hell

It's time for part 2 of fabulous new nicknames!

Another 3-letter-name goes up in flames:

(Aw, Hal.)

Let's see if you can guess the rest without any help:

"The 'N' is silent."

Whether you're Stephen with a 'ph' or Steven with a 'v,' I've got you covered:

It's pronounced "Stiv-FEN."
'Cuz you put the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble.

Oh, that's Rich.

If ever a wreck deserved "congram," it's this one.

Remember: Always be yourself - unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman.

Especially if you're this guy.

(Before you yell at me, the name IS misspelled.)

And now, to show off my 'Street cred:

Mana Mana
Do DOO de doo-doo
Mana Mana
De DOO DOO DOO
Mana Mana
De DOO de doo-doo, de doo-doo, de doo-doo
de DO DO DOO-DOO DO KILL ME NOW.

Ahem.

Sure, I know it's tough having your own birthday cake misspelled, but hey, even celebrities aren't immune! Case in point; here's comedian Jim Gaffigan's birthday cake:

Or, as I like to call him, The Big D-gim.

Thanks to Hal B., Meagan C., Monica S., Sarah K., Patricia S., Melene H., Rachel J., Robyn R., Sam H., Sharon W., & Desay for telling the Big D-gim that the Grand Jennizzle says "howdy."

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: