When Cake Becomes a Crime

Most wrecks are funny. Some are tragic. A few even make us cringe.

But then there's another kind of wreck: A wreck so heinous, so warped, so jaw-droppingly wrong, that it is a crime against humanity itself. These wrecks' very existence should be a punishable offense.

You know, stuff like this:

My apologies to those of you with weaker constitutions; I know how hard this is to look at.

What's that? You don't think butchering the Enterprise in this manner is a crime worthy of judicial condemnation? Really?

Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.

Well, fine, then. I'm sure you'll at least agree that this next one deserves the old heave-ho:

There she blows! (Chunks, that is.)

"That glistening pile is quite retch-ed, wouldn't you say, Ralph?"

"Ug, thanks for bringing that up, Chuck."

I'm also starting to think that black icing should be a controlled substance:

You know, have it locked up in the back somewhere, with a designated icing distributor on-site.

[twirling police baton] "So you want some icing, eh? And what will you be using it for?
A black smeary pit to stick plastic butterflies in?
Yeah, forget it, bub. Move along."

Admit it: That would be awesome.

Another common cake crime is the use of edible photo paper. Sure, a few cake artists can wield this WMD without causing wide-spread horror and gnashing of teeth, but most bakers use it to further the cause of chaos and evil.

And by "chaos and evil," I of course mean former Baywatch babes:

Busted!

I'm not sure which is scarier: the icing "hair," the obvious disregard for neck transitions, or the fact that these are actually the correct proportions for Pamela Anderson's body. [shudder]

Becky D., Rebecca I., Frances & Chris O., and Amanda I., if Brownie Husband ever becomes a reality, then I guess this won't seem so bad, huh?

- Related Wreckage: Guess Who!