Wrecks Reel News
[Old-timey news reel music]
Coming to you from Harry's Five and Dime in beautiful downtown Pleasantville, this IS Wrecks Reel News!
The big shopping weekend of '53 saw a slew of seething shoppers descending on local mercantiles, all in hopes of grabbing the deal of the decade!
Just look at them all lining up in a polite and orderly manner:
That's a Jim Dandy sight if I ever saw one!
The doors open, and they're off! Tearing through aisles, leaping over downed seniors; these fearless consumers will stop at nothing to get that last Timmy the Train:
And who can blame them? This new and improved model now comes fortified with heart-healthy asbestos! Isn't that swell?
What's that? Little Johnny wants a new baseball mitt? Ha ha, that's on aisle 5, ladies!
Boy, oh boy! That mitt's spiffy neat-o swell!
Ah, and here comes a satisfied customer now. Let's see how she's enjoying her shopping experi...
"OUT OF MY WAY OR I WILL CUT YOU DEAD."
Whoah there, calm down, sweetheart! There's still plenty of time to buy your husband those new golf clubs before you have to make him dinner!
And speaking of husbands, this weekend even saw a few men venturing out of their easy chairs to find a little somethin' for their darling dames!
Like high heels:
Great for the gams! Perfect with aprons!
And makeup:
Keen for the kisser!
And don't forget the Kirby Upright, now weighing in at just 47 pounds!
So much easier to push around in those heels!
And that's all from Pleasantville!
We now return you to Walt Disney's The Story of Menstruation.
This has been Wrecks Reel News, reminding you that every day is a Marlboro day!
Marlboro: Fresh, clean, and recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors AND your own baby!
Thanks to Jess, Natalie B., Larissa G., Dani S., Alison, Brittni J., and Mark B. for reminding us that not everything was better in the good ol' days, and also that edible cigarettes are really, really nasty.
