Basic Instructions

How to Literally Be the Worst Wreckerator:

1) Many names have unusual variations these days, so always remember to double check the spelling ahead of time.

"And her name is Starr with two 'r's."

[writing] "Star...with... two 'R's. Roger.

"No, Star."

"Lady, I got this."

2) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it only takes a few to get the general idea across.

"Hi. I'm looking for a Super Mario cake with a green pipe on it - you know, the thing with the plant coming out of it? I called it in a few days ago."

"Oh, right. Um..."

"Sorry, ma'am, but your cake is in another bakery."

3) Keep in mind that some grammatical words have more than one meaning.

For example, 'slash' can also mean 'kill', 'period' can mean 'length of time', and 'space' will always be a mystery.

"Not gonna lie; I would have slashed to go to a 'Pirate Space Palooza' when I was 12. Period."

4) Ordering a cake shouldn't be rocket surgery, so always strive to make the ordering process as easy as possible for your clients.

"Hi there, I'd like to order a cake? It's for my friend Vicki; she's turning thirty on Thursday."

"No problem! I'll just write, 'Vicki Thirty Thursday', then, shall I?"

"Um, no - just a simple 'Happy Thirtieth' will do, thanks."

"'Happy Birthday Thirty,' comin' right up!"

"No no, I want 'Happy Thirtieth,' and then her name on it."

"Yooooou betcha. 'Thirty Happy Vickies' it is!"

"Are you daft? Look, I just want 'Happy Thirtieth, Vicki' ok?"

"OH! Of course! Silly me. Now I understand."

"Finally! Thank you!"

"I just have one question."

"What?"

"Where does the 'Thursday' go?"

[silence]

"Vicki? You ok?"

Thanks to Nancy W., Michele S., Steph W., Nancy E., and my good friend Scott Meyer of the real Basic Instructions for the inspiration.