Balloony Bologna

Ahh, balloons. Those colorful, cheerful staples of the classic birthday cake.

And why wouldn't they be? They're so colorful!

And so cheerful!

[glopping noise]

And so... um...

Ok, bakers, we need to talk.

I never thought it'd be possible to forget what a balloon looks like, but apparently most of you have:

Two things:

1) Balloons generally only require one string each.

2) CHANGE YOUR PIPING TIP, YOU LAZY BUM.

Look, I'm just a girl, standing in front of a baker, asking that baker to stop butchering my birthday cake balloons already.

And while we're at it, could you maybe stop scalping grannies?

(Tell me you don't see a bunch of pastel hair buns here. TELL ME.)

And don't get me started on all the "little swimmer" balloons out there:

I see what you did there with that "i." EGGSELLENT.

But most importantly, NO CHEATING.

Or at least cheat better. Yeesh.

Thanks to Kevin C., Brittany F., Meredith G., Kimberly P., Robin L., Christie S., Veronica S., & Anony M. for appreciating the gravity of the situation.