Big Bangs

Note: Today's post contains a word that starts with "p" and rhymes with "Venus." Parents, please parent accordingly.

Before you head out to stock up on fireworks today, here's a handy tip from the folks over at Lamebook:

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

(Also: ow.)

What I meant was, when it comes to fireworks, you really want the most bang for your buck:

So always look for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, "Bang!"

You should also familiarize yourself with what fireworks actually look like, so you don't end up with a bunch of...bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even if they are patriotically

potent

powerful

penis-ish ones.

No, trust me, you don't want sprinkles.

I see...slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That's the red ghost from Pac-Man, kids. Now stop making me feel old.)

Important rocket safety tip:

The flamey bits should always come out the back.

Also, don't forget your patriotic donut holes!

At least they remembered the blue balls this time.

Thanks to Jessica G., Dawn S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., & Saralyn T., who make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" while they shoot across the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y way, I mean.

Not a penis-ishy way.

NEW GOAL: Work the word "penis-ishy" into as many conversation today as possible. Starting...NOW.

*****

P.S. While we're flirting with that PG-13 rating we may as well talk about bewbs, right? So here's a shout-out to my favorite wire-free bra:

Warner's Easy Does It Seamless Wireless Bra

 I love the under-arm smoothing panel - no dig or pinch! - and like most Warners, these are incredibly comfortable. These are all I wear now! I watch the listing and buy any color that goes under $20, so be sure to check them all in your size. (I'm a 34DDD and wear a Large, if that helps.)

 Oh, and be sure to check the image gallery for a better idea of how these look on larger tracts of land.