This Shameless Promotion Month, THERE MUST BE BOOBS

It's Shameless Promotion Month, minions, and who better to teach us a thing or two than our very own wreckerators? After all, they've been doing this stuff for YEARS:

If you're wondering if you should order here... here's your sign.

Now, the first rule of shameless promotion: there must be boobs.

The more, the better.

The second rule is to oversell it. Be bold! Embrace hyperbole! Go ahead, call that mystery pile a "Chocolate Dream"!

Mmm. Dreamy.

Did you accidentally create a teddy bear with arms coming out of its hips? Then throw in words like "fun" and "whimsical" and never break eye contact:

Or tell them you'll throw in "Rainbow of Radiant Delights By Which All Other Pleasures Must Be Measured" or, RORDBWAOPMBM, for the low low price of an extra $25.

I should probably mention the 3rd rule of Shameless Promotion is that you actively hate your customers, but I kinda figured that was understood.

And remember, a "stacked" cake doesn't make any promises about what's stacked on it:

Booya.

I imagine some mustachioed baker cackling evilly into his stand mixer over this one. "I promised them a stacked cake, Reinhold, but then I just threw some old cupcakes on top! NYAH-HA-HA! A-HA-Ha-HAAAA!"

"OK, Reinhold, you can stop laughing now."

"Seriously, that's enough."

"Are you... are you mocking me??"

"That's it, go make tomorrow's display cookie!"

Thanks to Beth H., Isobel, Jeremy W., Ashley M., Emily P., Sue, & Lauren M. for making me want to write a comic about an evil villain who keeps trying to take over the world through baked goods, but he's completely inept, so he relies on his henchwoman Reinhold to do all the baking, but Reinhold - PLOT TWIST - just wants to open her own bakery and retire, so she secretly thwarts all the evil villain's plans while using his money to buy better stand mixers.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: