Wreck Encounters of the Worst Kind

Have you experienced a Wreck Encounter with an Unexplainable Sweet Object (USO)? Watch for these signs!

Wreck Encounter of the First Kind: Visual sighting less than 50 feet away that shows considerable -- albeit completely useless -- detail.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Wreck Encounter of the Second Kind: A physiological effect is manifested, such as confusion or discomfort in the viewer.

*hurk*

Wreck Encounter of the Third Kind: An animated creature is present. These include bipeds,

um... [head tilt]... robots?

and whatever these are:

On the plus side, they don't seem able to breathe our atmosphere.

Wreck Encounter of the Fourth Kind: Direct communication between wrecks and humans.

Shhhh! Don't distract me... I can -- almost -- make it out...

Wreck Encounter of the Fifth Kind: Death associated with an Unexplainable Sweet Object.

Poor Mickey. It was a real blood bath.

(We experts call this "wrecksanguination.")

Wreck Encounter of the Sixth Kind: The creation of a human/USO hybrid.

THE POD PEOPLE ARE COMING.

If you've had a Wreck Encounter with a USO, send Cake Wrecks photographic evidence right away!
(Just don't get caught taking the pictures...)

We WANT to Believe!!!

Out of this world thanks to Anabel J., Cat, Anony M., Mark H., Nate W., Bridget A., & Robert A. for helping prove wrecks are out there. (Um, wait a minute, guys... That's NOT one of the accepted hand gestures...)

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And to shed a little light on your next laptop encounter, how about this astronaut USB light?

You close her visor to turn off the light! BRILLIANT!

And at only $9 Prime on Amazon, it's a STELLAR stocking stuffer. (See what I did there?)

Deep Thoughts

There's something about staring at wrecks for a while that makes me start thinking...

Deep Thoughts.
You know, stuff like:

Is it true cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

And why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Ever wonder what color Smurfs turn when they're choked?

Or if a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

And can a cow be lactose intolerant?

Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?

(Don't they have the guts?)

Do frogs have to wait an hour after eating before they get out of the water?

Because this guy already looks a little cramped.

When sign makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

(          ,         !)

And why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

While we're at it, how come "monosyllabic" isn't?

Oh, and what if there weren't any hypothetical questions?

Glup!

You know, the other thing staring at cake wrecks does is make me want to take a nap.
I'll do that while you think about this stuff, OK?

Profound thanks to Linn S., Marcos G., Kathryn P., Katie F., Christine C., Kristen P., Susan H., Catharine, and Aimee H. for seeing the deep philosophical meaning behind these wrecks, and to my Mom and Dad for sending me the e-mail that got me started down this path.

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P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: