Hunker Down, and WRITE IT OUT

Sometimes I feel like a cake archeologist, minions. I inspect the clues, sift through the remains, and try to figure out what happened in the past.

For example....

Something terrible has happened here.

Some events are pretty straightforward:

The old "ran out of icing" story.

There's also the classic "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the border":

Or its variation, "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the roses":

Here we see evidence of significant toothpick scraping, often indicative of the "I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here" dynasty of the Mid-Graduation era:

Ahhh. Magnificent.

You know that thing in restaurants where everyone is singing Happy Birthday to some stranger three tables over, and you all just mumble your way through the name part?

This is that, in cake form:

Sadly some mysteries will never be solved. Instead we'll be left to forever wonder... the 5th what?

I think I've cracked the code on this next one, though. Here's a recreation of the ACTUAL EVENTS, as played by hired actors in my head:

"What do you mean, 'last minute?' Of course we custom-ordered your cake, Miranda! Weeks ago! This was totally planned!"

While we'll never know for sure what happened to wrecks of the past, one thing is certain: the longer you look at this one, the funnier it gets:

Seriously.

I'm crying.

(I wonder who did the bigger spit-take: me or the baker.)

Thanks to Tex, Betsy P., Diamond, Philip L., Allison P., M.R., Lauren P., Miranda, & Kelsie L. for digging these up.

*****

P.S. It's never too early to start decorating for spooky season, and these stick-on bats were my biggest hit last year:

3D Halloween Bats, Exterior Grade, 60 pc set

They're made of sturdy plastic, come in 4 different sizes, and have adhesive pads to easily stick them up anywhere in or outside your home. (I put a whole belfry of them on our front door.) (I don't know if "belfry" is right, but I'm going with it. :D) Even better, the whole 60 piece set is only $10 Prime!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Tell Me That's Not A Spinal Cord Made Of Icing Flowers

It's time again to plumb the depths of that most bizarre and inexplicable place:

The mind... OF A CAKE DECORATOR.

Buckle up, it's going to be a wrecky ride.

I can't decide if these are supposed to be teeth, eyeballs, or mini-marshmallows:

...but whatever they are, they are definitely bleeding out.

So...

Happy BiRtHDAY!

When you need to put on just enough fondant to call it a "fondant cake":

Not since the great Target Cookie Mountain of last June has something made me squint at my monitor this hard:

It looks like layers of canned whipped cream between sugar wafers? With Stay Puft knows what in the middle?

Allllllrighty then.

I left the label showing for all of you rushing out the door to go buy one. TRAITORS. Enjoy your soggy sugar wafers.

Look, there's no denying this next cake is lovely. The piping is exquisite, the writing is legible, and the pink fuzzy balls have never looked pinker or fuzzier:

But... why? WHYYYYYY

"OK, so we need it to look like a spinal cord, set inside stretched open skin, only make it with flowers."

"PERFECT."

[alien screeching and popping noises, followed by a loud hissing roar]

"PERFECT."

And finally, I probably shouldn't include this next one, because something about it screams "homemade" to me:

It could be the ripped-off doll's head. Or the store-bought candles. Or the actual screaming.

Anyway, if I ever make it to 113 or 114, please don't serve this.

I'll take the pink fuzzy balls instead.

Thanks to Jodee R., Joe V., Lisa W., Ann R., Rebekah R., Grace G., Kait C., & Missy D. for getting a head in the wreckage game.

*****

Throwing any parties this season? Or just want to add more drama in your decor?
Then I think you're going to love this:

This is my own actual house, or at least part of it, during our big Jungle Cruise Pun Party last May. See those dreamy colors in the corners? Those are from LED color-changing floodlights, which are ON SALE right now for $30 for a 2-pack. That's less than I paid for mine!

I can't rave about these floodlights enough - which is why I keep buying more. Tuck them inside a house plant for incredible colorful shadows, mount them to the walls to paint your whole room a different color, or use them outside for your Halloween decorations! These lights are ESSENTIAL for parties, and easily the highest "bang-for-your-buck" decor I've found. In fact with the sale this week, I may just be buying more...