Poppin' A Squat On A Frosted Blue Ball

Confusing-but-exuberant life advice is my new favorite thing:

Oooh, Let's is!

 Looks like someone's missing Valentine's Day:

Stop picturing the swirly things as legs. Stop picturing the swirly things as legs. Stop picturing...

And can't wait for Mardi Gras:

(It's clearly flipping us off for not knowing a fleur-de-lis when we see one.)

While you're chewing on that mystery, here's another:

WHAT UP

(If you can stare at anything besides that blue ball Mr. Baldy McParachute-Pants is squatting on, then you're a better woman than I.)

Still, the crown jewel of this week's collection - the veritable pièce de résistance, if you will - has to be this thing:

What.
the actual.
heck.

Thanks to Karyn S., Debi S., Robbie B., Lacey F., & Sarah W. for the magical ant-infested breakfast floating over an instagrammed landscape, because, seriously, I couldn't even make this stuff up.

*****

P.S. We like floofs here, yes?

This is our cat Suki, and she luuuuurves these sticks so much I figured I should tell y'all about them.

Silvervine Cat Chew Sticks

If your cats don't react to catnip, try these; they're branches from a different plant with the same effect. My cats happen to love both, but I prefer Silvervine since the sticks are less messy than loose catnip, plus help clean their teeth.

Even better, a 10-pack of sticks is only $7, and lasts forever. It's been 2 years and I'm still on my second pack. Every couple months I'll scrape off a little bark to expose more of the wood underneath, which freshens the effect; the cats are EXTRA interested afterward. (The sticks have no smell for humans, btw.) Highly, HIGHLY recommend for your feline friends.

Tanks For The Memories

Over the weekend John tried to "fix" my latest bout of insomnia by dragging me out to a Flea Market after I'd had about 2 hours' sleep. I assume there was a reasoning behind this, something to do with sunshine, or walking around, or the fact that - ah, yes - there was a World War 2 re-enactment happening in the field next door.

It looked kind of like this, only somehow less sweaty.

So there I was, staggering through aisles of dusty antiques, car stereos, and questionable bulk candy (c'mon, how old ARE those dried papaya slices, really?), when all of a sudden the ground is shaking with mortar fire and explosions.

I never knew tanks had old-timey Cadillac fenders on them.

Come to think of it, I still don't.

John and I went outside to watch the giant clouds of smoke and running soldiers and whatnot for a bit, and naturally I snapped a few pics and video for the 'gram.

Which... inspired a few questions.

Later, as I attempted to explain to a few bewildered Europeans why we - and by "we" I mean Americans - sometimes drive around in tanks and shoot blanks out of machine guns for 30 minutes on a Saturday, it occurred to me there are probably lots of things we - still mean Americans - do that must seem odd to internationals.

Like our obsession with cupcake cakes (ptooie!):

(This could be the sleep deprivation talking, but is that another tank?)

Or our bizarre tradition of writing "We hope you fail, you're dead to us now" on farewell cakes:

::helpless shrug::

Or - my personal favorite - there's the way we can expertly critique everyone's Töedinlochslingers on The Great British Bake-Off, even though the most complex thing we've ever baked are canned crescent rolls.

Really feeling this one.

Just me?

That's the beauty of cakes wrecks, though, minions; they bring our nations together.

Unlike tanks.

Unless the tanks are cakes, maybe. Oh! Or better yet, wedding cakes. But c'mon, where am I EVER going to find a tank wedding ca... yeah who am I kidding here.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Tanks to Anony M., Shelley P., Christina H., Felicia R., Heather T., Rebecca K., & Lisa W. for helping me make Google searches for "Töedinlochslingers" go up about 1,000% today.

*****

P.S. Since I owe this post to my insomnia, here's a shout-out to the one thing that's helped me fall asleep the most:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

(If you were expecting a photo of John here, how dare you. But also high-five.)

I listen to boring audio books on these sleep phones every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders for my insomnia. These are comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they double as an eye mask. Huge sanity saver, highly recommend!