Baby Bears All!

Yesterday I offered to buy John some nipple pasties, but before you judge, it wasn't for anything "weird." It was just to cover his nipples. 

You know, when he goes running. Because they hurt. His nipples, I mean. When he runs. I like talking. In short, choppy sentences. Like this.

Which just goes to show, well, everything except the nipples. But also that you should never make snap judgements on anything.

Take this cake, for example:

 At first glance, it's just a pink bear with a little black nose being shunned by three invisible, barefoot ghosts.

BUT, look closer, and you soon realize ...

SWEET BETTY CROCKER, THAT BEAR IS EATING A BABY!!

Which explains why the ghosts are shunning him, if you think about it. After all, eating babies is never something you want to encourage - is it, bakers?

Of course, after a fifth or sixth glance you might start to think that isn't a bear at all, but rather a knitted pink snow suit with an unfortunate child stuck inside...being shunned by three invisible ghosts. Which makes SO much more sense for a baby shower. o.0

Right, I take it back: in this case, a snap judgement really IS the best option. It's a bear. And I like men who wear pasties. Because I'm a weirdo. A fun, fun weirdo.

Thanks to Joy O. for being weird with me. But not in a weird way.

The Secret's Out!

Sometimes when I tell people that John and I have been married for 13 years now, they exclaim in shock, "What, did you get married when you were twelve?!" And then we laugh and laugh until I wake up and cry a little.

The times I'm not dreaming, though, people sometimes ask what our "secret" is.  I assume they mean the secret to a happy marriage, and not that thing that happened at the fair, because how would they know about that?

So. The secret to a happy marriage?

ROMANTICAL TYPE WORDS AND STUFF.

Yep, nothing bolsters a relationship more than eloquently whispered...um...whispers of affection. 

And stuff.

 

What's more, this kind of mushiness isn't just for your weeding day!

 

Now, admittedly, John is a lot better at this than I am, but I've learned to follow his lead and try to say something romantical every single day.

 

I know it can be hard for you naturally romantic chatterboxes to understand us more silent and stoic types, but the truth is sometimes we just don't know how to express what we're feeling.

And other times you'll have to cut us a little slack because, hey, at least we're trying.

 

 [creepy grin] Aheheheheh. PREEETTY.

But really, I can't stress this one point enough:

 

ROMANTICAL.

And if you want to keep your spouse on his or her toes, try celebrating your next anniversary like this:

 Not that *I* would ever do such a thing, of course. No, I prefer to write John heartfelt missives of the feelings my heart feels. Kind of like this bakery's delivery box:

[turning on slow, sultry beat] 

[grabbing mic] 

[talking over doo-wop back-up singers]

 John, sweetie? There is no need reason. [draping self over piano] You fall - you FALL! - in love with my freedom. [raising roof]  HEE-HEE! So open that window, baby - yes, OPEN IT! So that the soul of my soul and your soul and our souls - oh yes - [sliding to front of stage on knees] embracing you. [biting lip] Unnng. Yeah, boy. UH.

Thanks to Judie V.,  Melanie S., Anony M., Whitney B., Heather R.,  Stephanie & Aaron, Anony M., & Melinda H., for helping me express myself. Like to enjoy the heart was affected, guys. LIKE TO ENJOY.