5 Terrifying Kids' Cakes To Make You Poop A Little

Parents, are the kids making too much noise? Need to quiet them down a bit? Maybe get them rocking themselves in the fetal position for the next few hours, followed by a life-long enrollment in therapy?

THEN DO WE HAVE THE CAKES FOR YOU!!

"Hey, kids, that's not sunburn - it's pulverized entrails! Ho-ho!"

"My name's Murders-A-Lot, and I like warm hugs!

"... followed by murder."

"We're gonna wreck... [clap!]... YOU UP."

[muffled screaming]

I know I usually blur out bakery labels to protect the guilty, but what the actual heck, Baskin Robbins:

Sleep sweet, kiddos.

Thanks to Sarah H., Tom S., Sarah Y., Erica K., & Carol V. for finding a cake that mirrors all of our faces right now.

*****

Speaking of creepy, it's never too early to start decorating for spooky season, and these stick-on bats were my biggest hit last year:

3D Halloween Bats, Exterior Grade, 60 pc set

They're made of sturdy plastic, come in 4 different sizes, and have adhesive pads to easily stick them up anywhere in or outside your home. (I put a whole belfry of them on our front door.) (I don't know if "belfry" is right, but I'm going with it. :D) Even better, the whole 60 piece set is only $10 Prime!

They're made of sturdy plastic, come in 4 different sizes, and have adhesive pads for easy sticking. (I recommend adding a little poster tack to the largest size, though, since mine have started falling off the wall.) Here's what I just did with some of mine:

I also like putting a whole flock on the front door. :)

I Can See Clearly Now... And... EW

I don't remember my 2012 slang very well - was this an actual thing people said?

"You're eggs is prego."

There are so many things wrong with that sentence, my brain just imploded.

Still, at least it was a "closed belly" shower.

What does that mean?

Aw, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

BEHOLD!!

The "Peek-A-Boo, I Eat You" Appetite-Suppress-Inator!

(Have I been watching too much Phineas and Ferb reruns? Yes, yes I have.)

Now, that's pretty good, but you must admit: the baby-embedded-in-clear-gelatin is kind of hard to see.

So for maximum "Inator" effectiveness, we're gonna need to open that baby (belly) up.

THAT'S BETTER.

[head tilt]

Hmmm, but is it possible to make the whole thing shinier?

You know, in a more seeping, moist, and gelatinous kind of way?

YES!

Just think, with these Appetite-Suppress-Inators, soon, Cake Wrecks will RULE the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA! Mwuah-ha-haaaa!

Thanks to Rish, Rachel G., Karen Q., & Diana M., who'd all look adorable in brown fedoras, I just know it.

*****

P.S. That reminds me of my Wonder Womb DIY, but if you're not feeling crafty you can always buy this:

"Ivy the Plush Uterus"

I'm told the name"Ivy" is a play on "In Vitro," but I still say Stabby McCrampus would have been a better name.