FIST FLOWERS OF DOOM

Ahh, Spring! The air is crisp, the flowers are blooming, and the garden slugs are JUST peeking out from their hidey holes:

...in our cakes.

Ew.
Maybe we should go back to the flower thing.

After all, flowers make everything prettier, from weddings:

...to anniversaries:

...to birthdays:

...to, um, chicken feet?

(I'm sure the baker would have labeled it a dead cactus, but no one can read her chicken scratch anyway.)

Hey, you know the only thing better than rosebuds on the first day of Spring?

A double feature of The Tell-Tale Heart.

:D

And while we're talking flowers that look like body parts:

WHY DO THESE FLOWERS HAVE FINGERS?

Here, I'll zoom in:

See?

They're like tiny little fists of doom, preparing to flip us off with their tiny little chubby fingers.
Of doom.

For that matter, the whole cake is kind of a bad trip gone worse, am I right? Random fist flowers, poo nuggets, an abstract bow/bat being attacked by giant dots...

I feel perhaps I'm getting a little "off point."

So, in conclusion: Yay Spring. Until the bee sperm bumble tadpoles X-Wing Bees show up.

o.0

'Cuz that's a honey boo-boo if I ever saw one.

Thanks to Caroline L., Amanda D., Sarah M., Ferryn, Lizzy E., John W., Syd D. & May for putting an extra Spring in our step.

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In that same hopeful spirit of spring, here's a lovely inspirational piece:

"Sh*t Could Be Worse" Floral Wall Tapestry

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Deep Thoughts

There's something about staring at wrecks for a while that makes me start thinking...

Deep Thoughts.
You know, stuff like:

Is it true cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

And why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Ever wonder what color Smurfs turn when they're choked?

Or if a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

And can a cow be lactose intolerant?

Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?

(Don't they have the guts?)

Do frogs have to wait an hour after eating before they get out of the water?

Because this guy already looks a little cramped.

When sign makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

(          ,         !)

And why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

While we're at it, how come "monosyllabic" isn't?

Oh, and what if there weren't any hypothetical questions?

Glup!

You know, the other thing staring at cake wrecks does is make me want to take a nap.
I'll do that while you think about this stuff, OK?

Profound thanks to Linn S., Marcos G., Kathryn P., Katie F., Christine C., Kristen P., Susan H., Catharine, and Aimee H. for seeing the deep philosophical meaning behind these wrecks, and to my Mom and Dad for sending me the e-mail that got me started down this path.

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P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: