Hush... Or Else

[whisper-singing]

Hush, little baby, don't boo-hoo
Mom's gonna buy you Winnie-the-Pooh

And if that Pooh bear just won't hug
Mama's gonna get you a smiley bug

If that bug should start to bite
Then Sully here will make it right:

But if that monster still won't do

Then oh no! Here comes Mickey the carnivorous sociopath again!

The End.

Today's post has been brought to you by the delightful bedtime storybook, Go the F**k to Sleep.
(Ok, not really, but it seemed appropriate.)

Thanks to Ashleigh S., Erika, Rebecca E., & Medusa for making sure the yolk's on Mickey. (Because I think those are eggs. Maybe. With... chocolate. I'm scared.)

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Nicole Is Living Her Best Life, People. BACK OFF

May is International Civility Awareness month, so now that it's almost over, LET'S GET AWARE.

For example:

Let's say your coworker is droning on about something that happened over the weekend.

Now, you could reply with:

But the civil thing to do is LISTEN and respond accordingly:

Remember, the more specific your apology, the less likely you'll be asked to bring snacks to next month's break room birthday bash.

Maybe someone you know just had quintuplets.

You could say:

...but that emphasizes the crappy side of babies. NOT CIVIL.

Instead, why not add a positive spin:

While subtly reminding them that baby boys make their OWN rain, IF you know whadda mean.

Muahahaaa. Haha. Ha.

PEE IN YOUR FACE.

Ahem.

We all know goodbyes can be hard, but that's no excuse for rudeness:

Instead, when a co-worker leaves, try to part on good terms.

Really REALLY good terms.

Welp, I think we all learned something today. Especially about Nicole. (Mrowr.)

Allow me to leave you with the immortal words of Sir Alfred Lord Tennyson, who, as he was leaving the pub one cold, February night, was inspired to utter that most poetic of farewells...

Thanks to Megan M., Keely M., Anony M., Amanda H., Clayton M., Karen C., & Jemima, who should know Lord Tennyson said that to Duke Nigel Pignorthupton, and meant it, like, totally affectionately.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: