"Satan's Saddest Sperm" Would Be A Great Band Name

Monica asked her baker to add "May the Force be with you" to her son's birthday cake - but added, "If it doesn't fit, don't worry about it."

The end result was a little garbled, but I think you'll agree, INFINITELY funnier:

Yeah, Logan, after all, "hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side."

*****

Susan named her cake, "Satan's Saddest Sperm."

Aaaaand now I want to see him star in his own Golden Book.

*****

Outstanding: adjective

1. Exceptionally good: the team's outstanding performance

2. Clearly noticeable: works of outstanding banality

I'd say one of those definitely applies here:

*****

Ever wonder what the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter does for Halloween?

Personally, I like to think he dresses up as a wedding cake.

COME ON YOU TOTALLY SEE IT, TOO.

*****

And now, a story:

There once were two friends, both named Doug.

Their friends distinguished the two Dougs by calling them "Black Doug" and "White Doug," respectively. (This is the kind of playful humor, my dear wreckies, that can only occur far, far from internet comment sections.)

When it came time for one of the Doug's birthday, the other Doug ordered him a cake.

This is what happened:

What quackery is this?

Why, it's... WRECKAGE MOST FOWL.

Thanks to Monica G., Susan D., Tina M., Susan W., & Paulina T. for footing the bill. (EH? EH??)

*****

You'll think you bought 10 sheets of cardboard, but wait'll you try the #1 best-selling dish cloths on Amazon:

Swedish Dishcloths

Incredibly absorbent, durable, and lots more colors at the link!

The Bakery At The End Of The Universe

[announcer voice]

Here at The Bakery At The End Of The Universe, we want our intergalactic guests to have a personal connection with their cakes. That's why all our sugary creations are given sentience before serving, so they can introduce themselves before dessert!

"Huh?"

To begin your End Of The Universe experience, you'll be treated to the sweetest song and dance number this side of Betelgeuse - and our petit-fours almost always finish before crying and/or spitting up their last meals!

Next, the parade of pastry, as each of our delectable kitchen creations tries to convince you to eat them first!

They're so happy you're here!

They can't wait to be picked!

Those are tears of joy, promise!

Once you've picked your lucky morsel, it will be whisked to the back for a quick, joyous farewell:

....then painlessly chopped up and plated for your dining pleasure:

MMMM.

Now that's sweet!

Yes, The Bakery At The End Of The Universe guarantees a dessert you'll remember for all your lifetimes. So come on by! Starships and Vogon liners welcome. Intergalactic AAA discounts available. Reservations recommended.

You monsters.

Thanks to Anony M., John D., Katherine R., Baillie L., Bailey D., Joy M., Rachel L., & Kevin F. for helping me celebrate Towel Day like a total hoopy frood. Now I'm off to eat a salad.

*****

P.S. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 42: