Shower The People You Love With... NOT THAT

So, you're throwing a baby shower? Sweet!

I CAN HELP.

Now, you may want the cake to say something about the baby's gender.

Or perhaps a sweet sentiment for the mom-to-be.

Don't let the bakery choose your decorations, though, or you could end up like Jennifer L, who spent her party trying to figure out what this was supposed to be:

HELPFUL REAR VIEW ZOOM:

Spoiler Alert: It's a butt. A disembodied butt.

Remember the days of baby blocks and teddy bears? Yeah. Those were nice days.

Speaking of confusing baby shower designs...

I see a pox-covered pig covering his eyes.

You?

By this point, dear reader, perhaps you've decided to nix the cake and just make cookies instead.

EXCELLENT.

I recommend something that celebrates life, creation, and of course, getting lucky:

It's a rainbow cookie cutter.

Sicko.

Thanks to Jessica D., Meaghan P., Jennifer L., Aixa L., & Aimie T. for sharing both her pot of gold AND her gutter. I'd tell you to get your mind outta there, Aimie, but the rest of us like the company.

P.S. If you ARE going to a baby shower, I found the perfect box for your gift:

The Mobile Mobile Prank Box

I Can See Clearly Now... And... EW

I don't remember my 2012 slang very well - was this an actual thing people said?

"You're eggs is prego."

There are so many things wrong with that sentence, my brain just imploded.

Still, at least it was a "closed belly" shower.

What does that mean?

Aw, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

BEHOLD!!

The "Peek-A-Boo, I Eat You" Appetite-Suppress-Inator!

(Have I been watching too much Phineas and Ferb reruns? Yes, yes I have.)

Now, that's pretty good, but you must admit: the baby-embedded-in-clear-gelatin is kind of hard to see.

So for maximum "Inator" effectiveness, we're gonna need to open that baby (belly) up.

THAT'S BETTER.

[head tilt]

Hmmm, but is it possible to make the whole thing shinier?

You know, in a more seeping, moist, and gelatinous kind of way?

YES!

Just think, with these Appetite-Suppress-Inators, soon, Cake Wrecks will RULE the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA! Mwuah-ha-haaaa!

Thanks to Rish, Rachel G., Karen Q., & Diana M., who'd all look adorable in brown fedoras, I just know it.

*****

P.S. That reminds me of my Wonder Womb DIY, but if you're not feeling crafty you can always buy this:

"Ivy the Plush Uterus"

I'm told the name"Ivy" is a play on "In Vitro," but I still say Stabby McCrampus would have been a better name.