Picture Perfect

The Good: You hired a fabulous wedding photographer.

The Bad: Not so much with the baker.

The Ugly:

This has to be the most beautiful photo of a Wreck I've ever seen. The fact that the photographer submitted it - along with tales of watching the baker catch the toppling cake with her bare, unwashed hands before serving it - only adds to the beauty. 

And really, what's a photographer tasked with making a wedding Wreck look good supposed to do? Well, after careful study, I've come up with a few options.

Option 1: Try an action shot in the background.

"Ok, bride, groom? You two stand behind the cake here. Now...reach for that wineglass!"

"Hmm, not quite enough action. Bride's dad? How about a running tackle?"

Option 2: Flowers

"We're gonna need another bunch for the middle tier, stat."

Option 3: Blend it with a busy background.

"Cake? What cake?"

Option 4: More flowers.

No, seriously. MORE FLOWERS.

Perfect.

You: But, Jen, those cakes look great!

Me: Exactly.

Option 5: When all else fails... PhotoShop

Take that Wreck from this...

...to this!

The irony, of course, is they'll pay more for the retouched photo than they did for the cake.

Oh, and to whoever starts a cake photo retouching service after reading this post: I want my cut.

Thanks to Wreckporters D Tyler Photography., Tiffany A., Jen A., Wendy T., Andrew Jordan Photography, Jennifer J., Jacq, Random, & Rebecca Z.

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Which reminds me that today, Jen and I are putting this awesome window film on a friend’s glass doors. SO. PRETTY!!!

3D Stained Glass Removable Window Film

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Bring The Sponge; It's Getting Pretty Tacky In Here

Sure, we could spend time debating who's really to blame: the bakers, or the clients who ordered these wrecktastic designs.

Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.

Yep, that's the ticket.

Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:

And make sure your napkins coordinate.

There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:

Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?
(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)

Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"

Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."

To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.

Also, I never would have thought that muted gray-tone Lladro topper would go with an "exploding ticker tape parade in Rio" design...

...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.

Look, I love Renaissance Fairs, I really do. I even love that this couple got married at one. However, this?

This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.

Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake:

"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."

Speaking of which, what do you do if your elegantly designed wedding cake shows up thoroughly wonkified?

Three words:
Distract the eye.

I guarantee you no one noticed the tipping tiers.

Amy S., Callie B., Julie Anne, Pam P., Anony M., & Chella S., I just realized that most (if not all) of today's Wrecks are American. I'm so proud I could bust.

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