And THAT'S How Baby Zebras Are Made

It's time for another one of our chats, bakers. You know, the ones where I give well-reasoned arguments for why you shouldn't wreck things, and you completely ignore me?

You're like my cats, only armed with piping bags instead of hairballs.

No, Professor Fluffypants, no!

Still, as long as I keep lecturing Suki and Eva on proper puke placement ("The tile! AIM FOR THE TILE!") I may as well keep tilting at this particular windmill.

SO... zebra stripes.

(By Sherry O)

These are zebra stripes, bakers.

While these:

...are sperm.

I point this out because a lot of you seem to confuse the two:

...and nobody wants sperm on their birthday cake, you guys.

NOBODY.

Nope.

No, thank you.

Nuh-uh.

What the...?

OH COME ON.
(Who let Professor Fluffypants in here?)

Bottom line, bakers: next time someone asks for zebra stripes, DON'T USE BUTTERCREAM.

Use an airbrush instead!

See?
MUUUUCH better.

Thanks to Laurie P., Barb, Lauren M., Elizabeth, Amber G., Holly C., D'andra B., Courtney G., & Jana W. for showing us what's black and white and wrecked all over.
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The War on Baby Showers

With all the scary C-section and jelly-soaked vagina cakes out there, I think we've lost track of what a baby shower cake SHOULD be.

No, this isn't it.

C'mon, guys, what's wrong with a sweet, heartfelt sentiment?

Or a cutesy character?

(On the plus side, it's nice seeing chocolate curls used for something other than "down there hair." [shudder])

Ok, how about some baby accessories? You know, bottles and bows, pacifiers and... uh...

...pee sticks.

Of course pee sticks.

Guess that beats putting the real thing on there, though - which, oh yes, people keep doing:

Thanks for not jamming the business end into the icing, I guess.

::sigh::

Ok, fine. Go back to your belly and butt and vajayjay cakes, people. BUT KNOW THIS: someday you, too, could be told, "There's cake in the break room!" like poor Lynds here, only to find that THIS is what someone actually brought in to work:

Clean up on aisle 3. Bring lots of brain bleach.

Thanks to Amanda S., Anony S., Rebekah D., Colleen F., Beka K., Corey, Nellie C., & Lynds for ensuring I will never eat a chocolate-sprinkled raspberry donut ever again.

*****

P.S., See, now HERE'S a cute idea for a baby shower: a Taco Tuesday accessory set:

That's an avocado rattle, ermergosh.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: