Instant Pride

[announcer voice] Uh-oh! Does this ever happen to you?

Significant other: "Honey, don't forget to grab the Independence Day cake for the party tonight!"

You: "Independy whatnow?"

Well, don't you worry. You'll never overlook another patriotic holiday again! Introducing a revolutionary new technology in dessert Americana:

Plastic Flag!™

Just throw Plastic Flag™ on any pre-existing cake for an instant patriotic upgrade!

Bachelor party tonight? Not anymore! Just look at the difference Plastic Flag™ makes:

Samuel Adams says, "Plastic Flag™ is always a good decision."

Or get your buns in gear by patrioticsizing that cheeseburger cake!

Well done!

Has your creativity gone fishin'? No problem!

Your guests will fall for Plastic Flag™ hook, line, and sinker.

Plus, order now and we'll throw in a free special gift sure to delight kids of all ages:

Patriotic Pecans™!

That's right: Order within the next ten minutes and you'll receive our patented Patriotic Pecans™ cake toppers, absolutely free! (Just pay our exorbitantly priced shipping and handling fees.)

Throw a few dozen Patriotic Pecans ™ to one side of Plastic Flag™ for a super-blast of extra pecan pride! Your guests will go nuts when they see the detail you've put into this delicious national treasure.

Order now!

Warning, April Z., Lisa P., Rose B., Jenn P., and Joan L.: Plastic Flag™ may be considered a choking hazard and should not be placed on food. Plastic Flag™ may contain traces of nuts, soy, or botulinal neurotoxins. "Patrioticsizing" is not a real word and should not be used as such. Plastic Flag™ hates puppies. Do not taunt Plastic Flag™.