Mailbag!

Jen, John and I get billions of emails every day. Some tell us how funny we are. The rest are "enlargement" offers, unique international business opportunities, and requests for the photo of the uncensored German dong cake (yes, they're still asking).

In honour of "Clean Out Your Inbox Week," we've decided to respond to a few of those emails here.

******************
Dear Jen and John,

I've had a hard week! With my in-laws coming to visit and my water breaking, I've had no time to myself! I finally found solitude when I locked myself in the bathroom for six hours on Saturday and read through the Cake Wrecks archives on my laptop. (Had to stop when Aunt Tilda had to go "Number Twosies.") Just wanted to say thanks for the laughs and also ask how do you keep from getting stressed out?

Crying tears of joy,
-Matthew

*********

Dear Matthew,

I assume you meant to write that your water "heater" broke. However, we recently found ourselves in a similar situation when family came to visit over the holidays (only we chose to lock ourselves in the closet, not the bathroom). We restored our sanity by relaxing, meditating, and focusing on the love we have for each other.

And we also got drunk and ate lots of chocolate.

Don't forget to flush,
john (the hubby of Jen)

********************
Dear Cake Wrecks,

While I generally consider myself a "humorous" person, I must admit I was deeply offended by a recent joke you made on your site. There is nothing at all funny in this punchline:

"What kind of joker put this cake together?"

As the dealer for the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team, I think you should consider your readers who hold the Joker in high regard. It is not a joke, Cake Wrecks. It is one of the most important cards in the deck.

Unfollowing. It's been fun.

-Betty
****************
Hi Betty,

We apologize for offending you and the other members of the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team. We realize the Joker can be very important and will be sure to reference it in a higher regard next time we feature a wrecked playing card cake.

We plan to post the following cake next week and we sincerely hope your team won't be offended.

All the best-
Number One

*******************
Dear friend,

Please vote for my cat Smuckers in the Kennel Treats "Cutest Pet Sweepstakes!" The more votes my cat gets, the more chance we have to win! So vote often, and forward this email to all your friends!!

Vote now!!!
-Jeanna and Smuckers
********************

Dear Jeanna,

Though we appreciate your interest and highly personalized e-mail, I'm afraid we get too many requests for online votes to grant ours to little Smuckers.

Plus we thought this guy was cuter:

Best of luck anyway!
-CW Team
****************
Our deepest thanks to readers Fifi B., Theresa K., Jennifer D., Emily P., and Roberta for sending us emails with photos of cakes in them... and not just asking us to claim our winnings in the Euro Millions email promotion.