Stairway to Heaven

I have to be honest: I've never really understood the whole wedding-cake-plastic-staircase thing. I mean, who first decided the wedding figurines might need to take a stroll down to one of the side cakes?

Not to mention this looks more like a video game level than a wedding cake.

"Ok, what you have to do is, hop over the leaf-shrooms, collect the heart rings, and then duke it out with the Moopa-Moosers down at the bottom. Oh, and watch out for the barrels."

Then, after providing this thoughtful pathway, the decorators go and make it completely inaccessible!

How are they supposed to get down there?

Or battle their way through all that foliage?

Granted, I can't think of a better place to put your plastic deer collection.

Of course, it goes without saying that all this extra height means you have to put a clear plastic light-up fountain under the cake. (Don't bother questioning it. You just have to.)

Mmm. Drippy.

You know what, though? These cakes still don't have enough going on. What do you say in addition to the stairs, tiers, figurines, and light-up fountain, we cover everything in Louis Vuitton?

Ah, rampant materialism climbs to new heights. I like it.

But it's STILL not enough. Can we get a few dozen miniature bridal party dolls, a Barbie cake, a few bolts of tulle, and the Amazon rain forest in here now, guys?

No, no, don't take away the stairs, fountain, or multiple topper figurines; we need those.

***

All set? Alrighty, let's take a look.

YES!! BEHOLD MY CREATION!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Hey, Rafael S., Genevieve F., April L., Anony M., Marla B., & Elle J., you must admit: this thing is so gosh-darn tacky it's almost kind of awesome.

Or...not.