Gettin' Higgy With It

In case you missed it, the news that hijacked everyone's Twitter feeds yesterday was the discovery of the Higgle Bottom particle, which apparently is super tiny since it's taken scientists this long to find it. (Which is ironic, since, HELLO - they're the ones with all the MICROSCOPES.)

Anyway, I did a little research to learn what a Hoggle Bumper is and why it matters, but all of the articles I found lost me by "watch this ten minute lecture where someone smarter than you tries to dumb it down to your level." Still, I think I got enough of the gist to write a song about it:

[To the tune of "Apple Bottom Jeans"]

Higgen Bottle means
Something 'bout the uhrrr
It got the whole scientific community
Lookin' at 'errr!

Ok, so it's still a little rough, but I really think I'm on to something here.

You're probably wondering where the funny cake pictures are.

Well, it turns out, it's surprisingly hard to find an appropriate wreck for a Huggle Bosom.

So here's an inappropriate one:

I like how at first it looks like a Huggle Bosom, and then you realize it's actually a Horrible Bottom. It's like that optical illusion where you see a pretty girl and an ugly butt cake at the same time!

That one is kind of feminine, though, and we all know Higgins is that snooty guy who hangs around Tom Selleck, so...

The Higgins Bottom: like a manly block of cheddar. With dimples.

(Hey, I guess the moon IS made of cheese!)
[Ba-dum-BUM!]

And so, in conclusion: stay in school, kids.

But maybe not this one.

Thanks to Michele N., Karina R., & Susan H. for helping me help you expand your intellectual horizons. Plus: butt/bewbs.