My Naughty Valentine

NOTE: Mildly suggestive humor ahead - so get your kids to explain it if you have any trouble.

NOTE THE SECOND: I'M KIDDING. Clear the area of innocents!

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Valentines' day is a celebration of love, and of the people we love, and of the many acts of love that we all...

Oh, look, a ding-dong!

No, no, YOU rock MY world, baby. Mrowr.

I remember a psychology course back in college where they talked a lot about interpreting things like keys and swords and Owen Wilson' nose, but I have to confess I never thought much of it 'til I saw these:

 

 Think it's an Everlast?

 (No, I will never stop with the Men In Tights jokes. SORRY.)

Here's a tip: I'm pretty sure swords don't NEED that much of a point:

 

Or at least not one shaped like that, anyway.

And in case you're starting to feel like these cakes are all thrust and no parry:

 Donut worry: My lips are sealed.

I'm pretty sure you won't need Freud's help to spot this classic slip-up:

 Talk is cheap, dude. Lemme see your guitar.

You know the saying, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince?" I only ask because reasons.

"Hey, bebeh, wanna go back to my pad? It's kind of chilly in here."

 (Not a word on the necklace. NOT A WORD.)

Of course, if you don't want to go for subtle, there's always the blatantly inappropriate approach:

 The longer you think about what demographic this cake was made for, the more uncomfortable it gets. (To say nothing of the fact that Barbie has no lower body, and her hair is getting in the icing. Ick.)

Well, whichever option you choose, I sincerely hope that you and your loved ones:

And hey, I mean that - from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks to Mindy B., Kelly G., Jeanne T., Jennifer R., Erica L., Dion H., Katie G., & Chris P. for putting the "wow" in "bow chikka WOW WOW."