Halloween Tips
Tomorrow's the big day, people, so before you hit the streets to go trick-or-treating, here are some useful "guidelines" for having a safe and scream-worthy night:
Never accept rides from strangers.
Especially if you see fingers hanging out of the trunk.
Wear reflective clothing:
Or just something so unbelievably hideous that people won't be able to NOT notice you. You know, like Crocs and a Speedo. (As a bonus: EVERYONE will want your picture!)
Watch out for roving gangs of lower-case Ms:
They're vicious this time of year. VICIOUS.
If you're trying to scare someone, don't yell "Boo!" It's not scary enough.
Instead yell, "SCARY BOO!"
It also helps if you can throw spiders on them.
Never assume you know what someone's costume is.
One person's Elvis is another's Dracula, and you really don't need that kind of awkwardness.
"I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!"
ALWAYS SAY "THANK YOU."
Even if they give you crap candy like generic lollipops and little bags of candy corn*:
*Actual candy we will be giving out on Halloween. Plus little boxes of Milk Duds. Y'all come by, y'hear?
And try to look grateful when you're saying "thank you," too - not like this:
"This is my happy face."
Lastly, and mostly importantly...
BEWARE THE TOILET PAPER TERROR:
He also goes by "The Spirit of Gasses Past."
