Pan-Tastic!

*peppy infomercial music*

[yelling in a high-pitched monotone]

HI JOHNNY YATES HERE FOR THE ORIGINAL PAN-TASTIC ALL-IN-ONE CAKE PAN. THE FASTEST, EASIEST, SAFEST WAY TO BAKE AND DECORATE ANY CAKE YOU CAN IMAGINE... GUARANTEED! JUST LOOK AT THESE RESULTS:

AMAZING!

NO MORE DECORATING DISASTERS WITH THE PAN-WOW.

*WAH...waaaah*

[yelling louder]

THE UNIQUE DESIGN OF THE PAN-TASTIC LETS YOU TURN ANY CAKE INTO A WORK OF ART!

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO THINK ABOUT CAKE DESIGN AGAIN!

Attractive, Well-Dressed Woman: "But how does it work?"

SIMPLE!  JUST POUR, BAKE, AND DECORATE!

IT'S THAT EASY!

Slightly Confused, Attractive, Well-Dressed Woman: "But can I use it for the Fourth of July?"

[screaming]

ABSOLUTELY!

THE PAN-TASTIC WORKS FOR ANY OCCASION!

EVEN PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL THUMBS CAN DO IT!

Pouty, Slightly Less Attractive But Still Well-Dressed Woman: "But my husband is left- handed!"

NO PROBLEM! THE PAN-TASTIC IS AMBIDEXTROUS!

FATHER'S DAY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

Wide-eyed Woman In A Sweater Vest: "And what about my mom, the proctologist?"

WE'VE GOT HER COVERED, TOO! IN BRIGHT PINK LATEX!

GIVE HER THE FINGER WITH PAN-TASTIC!

REMEMBER, DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATORS!

GET THE ORIGINAL AND GET MORE BUNNY FOR YOUR MONEY WITH PAN-TASTIC!

THE CAKE SENSATION THAT'S SWEEPING THE NATION!

AND IF YOU ORDER NOW, WE'LL THROW IN THE CAKE-MAGIC ALL-PURPOSE HELMET PAN... ABSOLUTELY FREE!

THAT'S A 600 DOLLAR VALUE! YOURS FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $19.99!

ORDER NOW!

Thanks to Grahm, Stephanie L., Stephanie, Erin M., Matilda, Scott A., Celeste B., and Sweet for the hand-outs.

*****

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