What Fresh Canned Fruit Cocktail Horror Is THIS?!

It's not even October, you guys, but bakers are already trying to scare us.

Fruit cocktail dumped on chocolate Tres Leches cake?
WHAT FRESH CANNED HORROR IS THIS?

And while we're bellowing rhetorical questions to the heavens...

The eyelashes. Why?
The head wound/toupee. Why?
The person who eventually paid money for this. WHYGAWDWHY

Ahem.

Brides-to-be, let's talk about putting a blood fountain under your wedding cake.
Specifically, let's talk about how you should NOT do that.

Granted, you almost don't notice the blood fountain under all the fake flowers, plastic staircases, feathers, and Mardi Gras beads - but unless Freddy Krueger is marrying the 80s, this is not a good thing.

The label says "Pumpkin Spice Cake," but Ashley wasn't fooled:

She knows "Poo-mpkin" Spice when she sees it!

And finally, here's my new favorite butchering of "you will be missed."

Judging by that splat behind the L, it's a shame the baker didn't.

Thanks to Joanna R., Brenna Z., Karen F., & Laurie - NOT "Lorie" - for the excellent wreckporting.

*****

I'm still laughing at my own joke about Freddy Krueger marrying the 80s, so let's keep that energy going with some Golden Girls Mad Libs:

The Golden Girls Mad Libs

 I just started watching Golden Girls for the first time ever (I don't know where I've been, but I'm guessing watching Star Trek) and I don't know if y'all knew this, but it's funny! :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: